A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, ‘PULL OVER!’
The disgruntled owner put his parrot in the freezer for swearing constantly. Opened the freezer 1/2 hour later. Parrot said he’d never swear again.
BUT he had 1 question, “What the #*&% did the chicken do?”
OK OK let me give another try at being funny:
When you have lost something, you always find it at the last place you are looking for it. My tip to you, start looking there
The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;
“Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I’m afraid you’re just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK.”
And I thought to myself, doesn’t ” OK ” look like a sideways person?
If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left? A million dollars minus 75 cents.
Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it’s sad that law allows only one wife.
God said to Adam, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. First the good news. I have given you a brain and a penis. The bad news… I’ve only given you enough blood to work one of them at a time!”