A Mosquito landed on my wife’s face…
Easiest decision of my life.
Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.
A man goes to a library and asks for a book on suicide…
Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who’s gonna bring it back?
The Japanese flag is actually just a pie chart about how many of them are scared of Godzilla.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
The letter F.
My girlfriend said we should experiment more in the bedroom.
This morning we synthesised a new protein chain.
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb?
Why does it have to be a group activity?
I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.
The word “nothing” is a palindrome. “Nothing” reversed is “Gnihton”.
Which also means nothing.
When I was younger, I always felt like I was a man trapped in a woman’s body.
Then I was born.
What’s heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?
A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
An Irish guy walks out of a bar…
It could happen.
I’d tell you a great time travel joke…
but you didn’t like it.