A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!” As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late… But please don’t shove me either!”
I found out last week that I had slept with my third cousin….
She was way more fun in bed than the first two…
no (IMHO!) the combination of the pic and those nasty flashy creepy sig pics, sorry not funny 
Hey, I resemble that remark! 
Have you heard about the Dalek Egg timer ?
After 3 minutes it goes…
Eggs Terminate!
Bad boys, bad boys
Whatcha gonna do?
Whatcha gonna do when you have no rude?
Negative 2 rudeness?
Yeah, months ago I had -1 rudeness, and it eventually disappeared.
Now I have -2.
I have no idea why.
Now I'm going to destroy any credibility I had by posting a doctored screenshot...
… Looks like the T-virus is striking again…
Maybe try African Elephant - bigger ears
One which young folks may not understand. Go ask your Mom if this is you 
_Bag boys, Bag boys, what they gonna do?
Take your food to the car for you…
_
And some fun on YouTube:
Best Fidget Spinner Trick Ever
Phil
That’s the best trick I have ever seen with a Fidget :+1:
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Phillipe Phillope.
Hi it seems that the joke sources are completely empty lol
Or if we mount a spring on an elephant it will fly lol
American scientist: “Back in the day, we spent millions of dollars to design an ink pen to work in zero gravity.”
Russian scientist: “We used a pencil.”
American Engineer, “actually Fisher (the pen company) spent the money developing the space pen. We took it to space for 6 bucks a pop. Given the fact that they are still selling them, I think they made a good investment. And by the way, having graphite pencil shavings floating around in an oxygen rich environment in zero gravity seems like a pretty bad idea. Ask the families of Gus Grissom, Ed White or Roger Chafee or anyone on the Apolo team what they think.”
Lol. Sorry about the historical inaccuracies. How about these.
A fisherman complains to his friend:
- Bloody neighbor! When I go fishing, he goes to my wife. When I stay at home, he checks my fishnets.
Rabinovich instructs his wife before the party:
- Don’t lay silver spoons on the table!
- Do you think the guests can steal them?
- No, I’m afraid they can recognize them!