We aim to please! 
What do you call it when everyone at work is sick?
âŚStaff infection.
A guy sees his doctorâŚ
âDoc, you gotta help me. I got these songs running over and over through my head. Over and over, to the point where I canât even think straight. I even end up humming them to myself. I canât sleep! Itâs exasperating!â
âInteresting⌠what songs are they?â
âA bunch⌠Delilah⌠Whatâs New Pussycat⌠ThunderballâŚâ
âAh! You must have Tom Jones Syndrome!â
âNever heard of that. Is it rare?â
âItâs Not UnusualâŚâ
Wife asks programmer husband to go to store and buy a loaf of bread.
Then she adds, âIf they have eggs, get a dozenâ.
Husband comes home with 12 loaves.
Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?
Great food, but no atmosphere.
God almost reaches the bottom of the bag of things to give to Adam and Eve.
He pulls out a piece of paper, âpeeing standing upâ
Adam: âoh God, give that to me, really I should have thisâ
Eve shrugs: âif it is so important to him, give it to himâ
âAnd so it shall be from this moment onwardsâ proclaims God
And he reaches in the bag.
âLast one left, since Adam got peeing standing up, this one is for Eveâ
He pulls it out and reads âbeing able to have multiple orgasmsâ
Yeah, totally not fair. :laughing:
Found on GearBest.
See the blue box.
lol, needs resize for all mobile users to see it too:
Dear Gearbest. I recently purchased a Haikelite MT01 MT-G2. Itâs broken. Light flickers on turbo mode. Iâve included a video. Please scroll down to âSix Brightness Levelsâ for demonstration.
Yup, it's busted!
Maybe itâs so bright that the voltage sagged and its low-voltage blink kicked in. 
If this were combined with a Uranusfire it would become a potent long range weaponâŚ
Huh
I have tested such job on my laptop
Sorry that multiple personality disorder.
found this
âAnd YES, I FREAKING KNOW THAT SCHIZOPHRENIA IS NOT THE SAME AS MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, OKAY? But itâs a longstanding common misconception that it is, and in everyday humour, the two are taken to be the same. THIS IS NOT JUST ME; check out these jokes:
Iâm schizophrenic and so am I.
National Schizophrenicâs Convention: Anybody whoâs everybody will be there!
If a schizophrenic threatens suicide, is it declared a hostage situation?
I may be schizophrenic but at least I have each other.
Paranoid schizophrenic: Are you staring at us?
Hell, one blogger even started a collection of schizophrenic jokes. Hereâs a sample:
Iâve half a mind to go to that meeting on schizophrenia tonight.
When is a man two men? When he is beside himself.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Iâm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Iâm in two minds about that joke.
Woman: Will you still respect me in the morning?
Man: Iâve never respected you.
if u want to f*k the sky, u must teach ur as 2 FLY! 
There are 10 kinds of people in this world:
Those who understand binary, and those who donât.
There are two kinds of people in this world:
Those who classify people into 2 groups, and those who donât.
There are two kinds of people in this world:
Those who can extrapolate from insufficient data.
This made my day!
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort
Donât stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnât mean the circus has left town
Whenever you leave behind failure, youâre doing good. If you think everything youâve done is great, youâre probably dumb
There is a huge difference between a dog that is going to eat you in your mind and an actual dog thatâs going to eat you
Youâre only given a little spark of madness. You mustnât lose it
Take your risks now, as you grow older you become more fearful and less flexible. And I mean that literally. I hurt my knee this week on the treadmill, and it wasnât even on
Try reading this funny comedian quotes! really made my day!