One of the best old-time comedians around, Jerry Stiller, has passed on. So sad to see him go, but at least he had a nice final chapter revival to his career (Seinfeld, King of Queens).
What do you call a flashlight company that doesn’t ship your orders ?
Sofirn !
I just had to do it
Got this in an email about ridiculous headlines, so I do not know the source:
………
And I rely on spellcheck??
Cheers
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that’s taking things a bit far!
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Those good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
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War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
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If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
— Ya think?!
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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?
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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren’t they fat enough?!
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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That’s what he gets for eating those beans!
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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
— Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*
And the winner is….
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
A coybow is riding his horse way out west, down the lonely trail when he comes upon an indian man going the other way. When they get close, the indian slows to a stop and eyes a brand new Winchester rifle in the cowboy’s scabbard.
Staring at the shiny engraving and fine walnut finish the indian finally looks up and says, “that is a very fine gun you have there.” The coyboy smiled and said, “thanks! …I just got it for my wife today.”
The Indian rubbed his chin for a few seconds then said… “good trade.”
Nothing yet about the cowbow?
He rode off into the sunset of course 
A woman walks into the bathroom and sees her husband weighing himself. While standing on the scale he sucks in his belly.
.
“Ha!” she tells him, “That won’t help you!”
.
“Sure it helps,” he replies. “How else can I see the numbers?”
Similar theme:
she: Does this dress make me look fat?
he: Nope, your fat makes you look fat.
Her trial starts next week.
she: “Does this dress make me look fat?”
he: “I love you and I want you to look and feel your best. And I don’t
think that particular dress compliments you well. Let’s find something that hides those big love handles.”
(and he started off so well….)
Joe Biden said a few months ago that he’s going to pick a woman as his running mate. In recent weeks some people are saying that he should pick a black woman. Elizabeth Warren is now scrambling to fill out the proper forms. She’s also going to send her spit in for DNA testing again.
Do you know why stealing from cashiers is easy, it’s because most of them don’t know or weren’t pefectly trained to jump over the cash desk counter
I needed clean work clothes for this week, so I washed a load of pajamas.
Wrong Times Table
Deep in some corner of my heart, I suspect that real times tables are wrong about 6x7=42 and 8x7=56.
I so seriously don’t get it.
I think the fact that someone would actually make a times table that is completely wrong is pretty funny.
(I like stupid math jokes.)
Everyone has heard that pi are not squared, they are round.
Wellp, I gotta admit, that certainly qualified. 
We had a goofy teacher who used to “correct” the kids who said ” 2 pi R squared” he’d say “No cake are square pi are round”.