The Daily Joke Thread

While walking through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco , a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.

Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?"

"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.

"You've gotta be kidding me."

"No, would you like to give it a try?"

Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree & pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left...

Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the heck happened to you?"

He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there.
When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "This just ain't gonna be your day.............. cupcake

+2 and you misspelled a word and why no links? ;)

Good post, telman2

cupcake is a muffin? a cake? :quest: then i dont understand..

thanks for the wonderful jokes!! i read them all :D

cupcake in this sense is a term of endearment, like sweety or honey. Now you get it?

eeouw!

:X

July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom

LMAO!!! :D

fishinfool that's a great one!

So much win :bigsmile:

Thanks! It's one of my faves and everytime I hear an ice cream truck I laugh.

BTW, love the pic!

There is a cure for cancer.

It is found in the tears of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't cry......

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the BITCH in the kitchen."

:) ..

hi my name is Boaz and I have a flashlight addiction ...I like camping, handbags,long walks on the beach and paisley. I'm interested in making new friends and websites with lots of hello kitty.

Friendship is like a sunny day .........I'm also passionate about ....lots ....and ...lots ....of......Dots ...

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's you're name?" "Sam," the cowboy moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied.... "The balcony."

Good one Boaz!

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

LOL!

Doctors have recently discovered that saliva causes stomach cancer but only when swallowed in small amounts over a period of years.

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey”, died peacefully at age 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.

They put his left leg in and then the trouble started.

:bigsmile: You're on a roll, Telman!

BetweenRides wife thinks he's financially naive and gullible. I bet she changes her tune when she finds out he won the Nigerian lottery.

A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.

“Just where the heck do you think you're going?” said the man.

“I'm going to Las Vegas”, said the wife, “I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!”

The man said, “Wait a minute!”, and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.

“Where the heck are you going?” said the wife.

The man said, “I just want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!”