hi my name is Boaz and I have a flashlight addiction ...I like camping, handbags,long walks on the beach and paisley. I'm interested in making new friends and websites with lots of hello kitty.
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The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's you're name?" "Sam," the cowboy moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied.... "The balcony."
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey”, died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in and then the trouble started.
A Catholic priest, an Indian doctor, a rich Chinese businessman and an Italian from New Jersey were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them. The Italian from New Jersey fumed, "What’s with those jerks, we’re waiting fifteen minutes between shots!"
The Indian doctor chimed in, ‘I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such poor golf!’
The Chinese businessman called out, ‘Move it, time is money!’
The Catholic priest said, ‘Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. Excuse me, sir said the priest, ‘What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?’
The greens keeper replied, ‘Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.’
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic priest said, ‘That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.’
The Indian doctor said, ‘Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything that he might be able to do for them.’
The Chinese businessman replied, ‘I think I’ll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters union in honor of these brave souls!’
The Italian from New Jersey said, ‘Why the hell can’t they play at night?
Back during the days of the Soviet Union, it took 10 years to get a car after you paid for one.
Once, a young guy went to the car dealership to order a car.He paid the money, and the asked when can he come and get the car.
"It will be here, waiting for you, exactly 10 years from today".
The man signed the papers, started walking away and then stooped, turned and asked the salesman: "Wait, will it be ready in the morning or in the afternoon"?
"What difference does it make", asked the salesman.
"Well", answered the man, "the plumber is coming in the morning".
Joe is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she isn’t wearing any panties.
The blonde realizes he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my hoohah?"
"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.
"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow you a kiss." Sure enough the hoohah blows him a kiss.
Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder hoohah can do.
"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the hoohah winks at him.
"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat next to her. Joe moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in it?"
Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"
A sheriff walks into a saloon and shouts for everyone’s attention.
“Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?” he asks.
“What’s he look like?” asks one shoddy looking cowboy.
“Well”, replies the Sheriff, “he wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown paper pants, and a brown paper jacket.”
A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky . Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.
"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?"
"Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine.
"Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States ?"
"Yep."
"Were there any survivors?"
"Nope. They's all died straight out," the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning."
"President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked.
"Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor. "He kept a-saying he wasn't... But you know how bad that sumbitch lies...