The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories:
"Johnny do you have a story to share?" "Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Nancy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?
"Stay the F#$% away from Aunt Nancy when she's drinking."
My heart goes out to you, I have two sons, a wife and a bunch of animals...and can't remember when I last won an argument or had a nap on a weekend afternoon.
It's the tragedy of the Male Condition...we must "Endeavor to persevere."
The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my
wife.
They said, "Is this your wife, sir?"
Shocked, I answered, "Yes."
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."