I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.
And we were poor too. Why, if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have nothing to play with !
when I was a kid I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
II went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. ....I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
I told him I think my wife has V.D. he gave himself a shot of penicillin
Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, "Doc, I keep thinking I'm a dog." He told me to ..." get off the couch."
Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide."
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
I met a girl ...she was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.
My wifes cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen to watch the roaches hang themselves.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the library the sign says "shut the f..k up"!
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.
My wife's not to smart. I told her our kids were spoiled. she said, "all kids smell that way".
Yesterday I bought a flashlight ....Today I get no respect