The Daily Joke Thread

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Boaz
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A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You have a drink called Larry?"

A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender looks up and says.... "You can come in, but don't start anything!"

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

       καὶ τὸ φῶς ἐν τῇ σκοτίᾳ φαίνει καὶ ἡ σκοτία αὐτὸ οὐ κατέλαβεν

                            

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Smelly
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Boaz wrote:

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You have a drink called Larry?"

 

30 years ago a friend of mine told that joke except it was a white horse called Arnold. My friend has been known as Arnie ever since.

 

edc
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Every time I read this I laugh.

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.


Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head c*cked to one side so as to say, ' Don 't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

•My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
•The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
•My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
•My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
•I had no control over the drooling.
•Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
•I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

 

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Night_Watchman
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A piece of string went into a bar and asked the barman for a "pint".

The barman says`are you a piece of string`? 

The piece of string replies `yes i am !.. and there are no laws about selling beer to pieces of string.

The piece of string got his pint and returned night after night for weeks becoming a regular... 

Then one night, a shabby, twisted and tangled mess of fibres went up to the bar.

The barman says `are you a piece of string`?

The mess of fibres says `No im a frayed knot`

 

Sorry folks... That`s my first post on here and for all our sakes i hope things improve, and quickly.

makapuu
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Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield ...........

Because he said ....

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves..

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from Chicago last night.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with.
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FlashPilot wrote:

*A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman---*
*He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.*
*The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'*
*'No', he replies, 'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it...'*
*The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch?* *'What's so special about it?'*
*The cowboy explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.' *
*The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'*
*Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'*
*The woman giggles and replies 'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'*
*The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, 'Damn thing's an hour fast.' *

Yee Haw! Love that one.

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fishinfool
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After grocery shopping one day, an old lady gets into the elevator at her apartment building. At the same time, 3 beautiful models get in. They all stand on the other side of the elevator away from the old lady.

 

The first woman asks the second, "What is that cologne you're wearing?" The second says, "Liz Claiborne, $100 a bottle. What about you?" The first says, "Lacoste, $150 a bottle." They both look at the third and ask, "How about you?" The third says, "Estee Lauder, $200 a bottle."

 

This whole time the old lady was listening to them and shaking her head. The elevator then stops and the old lady started moving to the door. Right before she gets off, she rips this really loud and nasty smelling fart.

 

She then turns to the 3 women and with a devilish smile says, "Baked beans, 89 cents a can."

Don wrote:

"But as I said long ago, you are more likely to be killed by a dead fish dropped by a seagull in the Sahara Desert than by a lithium ion

Ecosys
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 1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.  

5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

 

26. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

 

_the_
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E1320 wrote:

The newspaper headline  
read:

..which reminds me about this gem:

usenet legend wrote:

An inmate has escaped from the asylum, went into the local laundry, sexually assaulted some of the women that work there and ran off.

Next morning the local newspaper headline was: "Nut screws washers and bolts!"

And the same as a picture:

=the=

 

heggood
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 A man in a Florida supermarket tries to buy a half a head of lettuce. The young produce assistant tells him that they only sell whole heads. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room the boy says to the manager, "Some asshole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce".....As he finishes his sentence, he turns to find the man standing right behind him, so he adds "......and THIS gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. 

   Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who can think on their feet. Where are you from son?"...."Canada, Sir," replied the boy. "Well why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked. "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there," said the boy. "Really?" said the manager, "My wife is from Canada." 

"No shit!" said the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

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A monkey and a lizzard sat in a tree.

Then the monkey asks if they should try to smoke some pot!

"Sure" says the lizzard and they smoke the pot.

After smoking the pot he lizzard says to the mokey - "I'm thirsty from all that pot I think I'll go down by the river and drink some water". And so it does.

Down by the river the lizzard stumbles in some loose gravel and end out in the river. It cannot swim so it yells "please help me I'm drowning, oh please help!"

Nearby a friendly crocodile hears the cry and swims over to save the lizzard.

Safely back on the riverbank the crocodile asks the lizzard "Why did you go into the river when you know you cannot swim?"

"But I stubled in the loose gravel because me and the monkey smoked pot and I am stoned! That monkey made me smoke pot!"

Upon hearing this the big crocodile gets very upset. He hates all drugs and everything about them so he says to the lizzard "I'll go talk to that little monkey bastard - set him straight I will"

So up to the tree the crocodile walks, every step of the way he is getting more and more angry about the situation and as he approaches he can see the monkey sitting very relaxed and casual in the tree and that angers him even further. So when he finally gets to the tree he is so enraged he just yells out to the monkey

"Hey Monkey!!"

The stoned monkey looks down from the tree and in a surprised voice says " WOW MAN ! HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK??"

~ Ledsmoke ~

Dutch humor:

[quote=djozz]

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Aleister
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A day in the forest...

A monkey passes by a sitting squirrel and says:

- good morning squirrel, what are you doing here?

- I am enjoying this fine joint, says the squirrel

A second later, a jackrabbit passes running in front of them yelling: "come on guys, leave the drugs alone and come with me to run a little, life is beautiful!".

Neither the squirrel or the monkey say anything...

After a while, the jackrabbit passes again running: "come on you fools, enjoy nature, leave the drugs and run with me!"

The monkey, looks at the squirrel and says:

- Jackrabbit is right, we live in a perfect forest and you spend your life on drugs... Let's go run with him, it will be fun!

And the jackrabbit responds:

- Yeah, right, every time jackrabbit is on coke, I will run with him in the forest like an idiot...

Let a flooder be my wife and a thrower be my mistress

Ecosys
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An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.   This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.  Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family."
 
No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood?  Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
 
Again all was quiet.
 
Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.   I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

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A 15 year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall for the first time. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy ask, "What is this, Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator before) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

Just then, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into the small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number.... and then the numbers began to light up in reverse order.

Finally, the walls opened up again and a stunning 24 year old blond woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son...

"Go get your Mother."

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THINGS I LEARNED LIVING IN THE SOUTH - Copied from an email that was sent to me, from a Native Texan.  - (some of these I have actually learned living here in TX).


A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
 

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
 


There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
 


If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
 


Onced and Twiced are words.
 


It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
 


Jawl-P? means, Did you all go to the bathroom?
 


People actually grow,eat and like okra.
 


Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do that.
 


There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
 


Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
 


Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
 


The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
 


You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
 


You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
 


Ya'll is singular. All ya'll is plural.
 


All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
 


You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.
 


You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.
 


The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.
 


Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss(first name) or Mr.(first name)
 


You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
 


You know what a hissy fit is..
 


Fried catfish is the other white meat.
 


We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
 


 

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Boaz
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 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Texas_Annexation

 

Maybe we made a mistake annexing texas .:P

       καὶ τὸ φῶς ἐν τῇ σκοτίᾳ φαίνει καὶ ἡ σκοτία αὐτὸ οὐ κατέλαβεν

                            

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Good stuff, Old! Grew up in Georgia, most of them sayins is gospel to a southern boy.

marcl
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Did you hear the one about the Irish acid bath murderer?

 

He lost his arm pulling the plug out!

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines!

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A man and a small boy arrive at the edge of the woods.  After getting out of his van the man takes the boy by the hand and they begin walking into the woods.

As they are walking the sun begins to go down and the woods get darker and darker.  Further still they walk into the woods.  It's getting darker and darker and very creepy.  They continue walking, each squeezing the other's hand a little tighter at each strange sound and eerie shadow.

Eventually, after quite some distance, they reach a point where they can take the fear any longer.  The little boy jumps in fright at the latest unexplained sound and says to the man, "Gee, mister, it sure is scary in here!"

The man looks around at the surroundings then looks down at the boy.  "You think you're scared?", he says.  "I'm the one that has to walk out of here all alone."

Leelou
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That's Hitchcock-esque. Creepy.

I like: walks on the beach, sushi and things that are paisley.

BetweenRides
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A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

 

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

 

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

 

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

 

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

 

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

 

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: 

 

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

 

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

 

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

 

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'  Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

 

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: 

 

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. 

 

PLEASE NOTE:

 

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

 

The first floor has wives that love sex.

 

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

 

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited...

 

JohnnyMac
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BetweenRides wrote:

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

 

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

 

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

 

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

 

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

 

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

 

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: 

 

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

 

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

 

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

 

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'  Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

 

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: 

 

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. 

 

PLEASE NOTE:

 

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

 

The first floor has wives that love sex.

 

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

 

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited...

 

LMAO!  So true!!!
JohnnyMac
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BetweenRides
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After 20 Years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and the throat of her neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his had on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch TV.

As she had become quite aroused by this time, she asked in a loving voice, "That was wonderful. Why did you stop"?

He replied, "I found the remote".

JohnnyMac
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BetweenRides wrote:

After 20 Years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and the throat of her neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his had on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started to watch TV.

As she had become quite aroused by this time, she asked in a loving voice, "That was wonderful. Why did you stop"?

He replied, "I found the remote".

Classic!  Laughing
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In ancient Greece (469-399 B.C.), Socrates was widely esteemed for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's call the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple Filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued, "before you talke to me about Diogenes, let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is the filter of Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is the truth?"

"No," the man replied, "actually, I just now heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates, "so you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"

"No, on the contrary...." replied the man.

"So," Socrates continued, you want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"

"No, probably not."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True, nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"

The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was banging his wife.

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BetweenRides wrote:
....It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was banging his wife...

 

That one was deep.   Smile

 

 

 

(That's what she said. Heehee.)

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BetweenRides wrote:

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was banging his wife.

Triple filter test works only about 99% of the times Laughing

Let a flooder be my wife and a thrower be my mistress

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Aleister wrote:

BetweenRides wrote:

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was banging his wife.

Triple filter test works only about 99% of the times Laughing

 

And is where most "professionals" make their money.

 

It certainly is what I get paid (very, very badly) for.

 

The numbers from my light tests are always to be found here.

https://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0ApkFM37n_QnRdDU5MDNzOURjYllmZHI...

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After God created Adam, and Adam had been in the Garden for a really long time, he started to get a little lonely. So, Adam went to God and said, "This Garden is amazing, but I'm starting to get a little lonely; is there anyone that you can send to keep me company?"

God answered, "I have the perfect person. She will help you with almost everything. She'll clean, cook, wash you clothes, be your friend, and even rub your feet after a long day. She really is perfect in every way!"

Adam said, "That sounds great! How soon can you send her?"

God replied again, "I can send her right away, but there is one thing ... it's going to cost you an arm and a leg to get her."

Adam thought for a moment, and then said, "What can I get for a rib?"

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