The Daily Joke Thread

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ReManG
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Or what a snail says when riding the back of a turtle...

 

 

 

 

 

WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

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The Miller
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heheh
Let me try another shot at being funny.

This flashlight hobby has ruined a movie series for me Wink

hamedshh
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the most different of the incandescent bulb and a candle is that you can see aflame candle directly for long time but you can’t see the incandescent bulb just for a few second !!!!!!!!!

God is the light of the heavens and the earth. A metaphor for His light is a niche in which there is a lamp placed in a glass. The glass is like a shining star which is lit from a blessed olive tree that is neither eastern nor western. Its oil almost lights up even though it has not been touched by the fire. It is light upon light. God guides to His light whomever He wants. God uses various metaphors. He has the knowledge of all things. (35)

The Miller
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Nice!

MontyPyfon
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My Wife sent me this to watch. She says I have one too Smile

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SqQgDwA0BNU&feature=youtu.be

To many flashlights, too many batteries. Wife is going to kill me Smile
Q8 (Still coming), S2+: 10, SRK style: 6, C8: 10, L2: 3,  L6: 2, Couri XM-L2: 1 LuckySun BLF SE: 3, EagleEye X6: 2   and lots more....

Monty

hamedshh
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the thief went into the beggar home at night and he wait until the beggars sleep then he searchs the beggar home and he find nothing and when he decide to left the home the beggar wakes up and tell him which you try to find at dark night even i cant find it in the bright day ?!

God is the light of the heavens and the earth. A metaphor for His light is a niche in which there is a lamp placed in a glass. The glass is like a shining star which is lit from a blessed olive tree that is neither eastern nor western. Its oil almost lights up even though it has not been touched by the fire. It is light upon light. God guides to His light whomever He wants. God uses various metaphors. He has the knowledge of all things. (35)

hamedshh
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hi all offlines! !!

God is the light of the heavens and the earth. A metaphor for His light is a niche in which there is a lamp placed in a glass. The glass is like a shining star which is lit from a blessed olive tree that is neither eastern nor western. Its oil almost lights up even though it has not been touched by the fire. It is light upon light. God guides to His light whomever He wants. God uses various metaphors. He has the knowledge of all things. (35)

flashination
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A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, ‘PULL OVER!’ ‘NO!’ the blonde yelled back, ‘IT’S A SCARF!’ Beer

 

 

 

 

 
 
'I pledge not to get drawn into cpf/blf arguments, & just understand that both places have their own merits'.

flashination
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The disgruntled owner put his parrot in the freezer for swearing constantly. Opened the freezer 1/2 hour later. Parrot said he’d never swear again.
BUT he had 1 question, “What the #*&% did the chicken do?”

 

 

 

 

 
 
'I pledge not to get drawn into cpf/blf arguments, & just understand that both places have their own merits'.

The Miller
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Hahahaha
Cranked me up!

OK OK let me give another try at being funny:
When you have lost something, you always find it at the last place you are looking for it. My tip to you, start looking there Wink

ReManG
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You know why the riot police are always early to work?

They just love to beat the crowds….

ALL of my links are non-affiliated for your pleasure...

My Reviews

Lithium Ion Battery Safety 101

 

hamedshh
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Make people glad with your humor!!

God is the light of the heavens and the earth. A metaphor for His light is a niche in which there is a lamp placed in a glass. The glass is like a shining star which is lit from a blessed olive tree that is neither eastern nor western. Its oil almost lights up even though it has not been touched by the fire. It is light upon light. God guides to His light whomever He wants. God uses various metaphors. He has the knowledge of all things. (35)

MontyPyfon
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Two peanuts walking through Central Park.

One was a salted.

To many flashlights, too many batteries. Wife is going to kill me Smile
Q8 (Still coming), S2+: 10, SRK style: 6, C8: 10, L2: 3,  L6: 2, Couri XM-L2: 1 LuckySun BLF SE: 3, EagleEye X6: 2   and lots more....

Monty

Ronin42
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The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;

“Mr. Morgan I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I’m afraid you’re just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK.”

And I thought to myself, doesn’t “ OK “ look like a sideways person?

(“It’s good that most people can’t remember their previous lives. Otherwise
things would be a lot more complicated than they already are.”
Ajaan Lee Dhammadharo)

Bort
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Me: “I’ll have a regular latte, please.”

Employee: “And what’s the name?”

Me: “Generic name.”

(She writes it and makes my drink. When I get my coffee, she had spelled it, “Jenny-Eric”)
https://notalwaysworking.com/thats-amy-zing/47996

The Journal of Alternative Facts TM

"It is critical that there is a credible academic source for the growing and important discipline of alternative facts. This field of study will just keep winning, and we knew that all the best people would want to be on board. There is a real risk in the world today that people might be getting their information about science from actual scientists"

 

ReManG
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Turns out that the fellow who invented autocorrect passed away today.

May he restaurant in peace….

ALL of my links are non-affiliated for your pleasure...

My Reviews

Lithium Ion Battery Safety 101

 

ReManG
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Did I tell you that I got asked out by like eight women the other day….

That is the last time I go into a public restroom without looking at the door….

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My Reviews

Lithium Ion Battery Safety 101

 

Threadneedle
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Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?
Because it ran out of juice.

cdjaney
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Late Halloween joke.

How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern?

You get a “pumpkin patch”!

John 1:5 "The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it."

Leif
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A friend works in an Indian restaurant and he had a serious accident yesterday. He fell into a deep korma.

This forum may contain nuts.
No animals were harmed in the creation of this post.
Be nice to people. It annoys them no end.

Suncoaster
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Location: Where the girls are green and the grass is pretty.

What do you call a smelly but cute animal ?

Odorable.

"In the land of the blond the one eyed man is king."

*This message is protected with ROT26 encryption.Old Lumens

cm64
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Mummy, Mummy, Tommy broke my doll.
Mother: How did he do that ?
I hit him over his head & it broke.

hamedshh
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If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left? A million dollars minus 75 cents.

God is the light of the heavens and the earth. A metaphor for His light is a niche in which there is a lamp placed in a glass. The glass is like a shining star which is lit from a blessed olive tree that is neither eastern nor western. Its oil almost lights up even though it has not been touched by the fire. It is light upon light. God guides to His light whomever He wants. God uses various metaphors. He has the knowledge of all things. (35)

hamedshh
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Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it’s sad that law allows only one wife.

God is the light of the heavens and the earth. A metaphor for His light is a niche in which there is a lamp placed in a glass. The glass is like a shining star which is lit from a blessed olive tree that is neither eastern nor western. Its oil almost lights up even though it has not been touched by the fire. It is light upon light. God guides to His light whomever He wants. God uses various metaphors. He has the knowledge of all things. (35)

hamedshh
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God said to Adam, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. First the good news. I have given you a brain and a penis. The bad news… I’ve only given you enough blood to work one of them at a time!”

God is the light of the heavens and the earth. A metaphor for His light is a niche in which there is a lamp placed in a glass. The glass is like a shining star which is lit from a blessed olive tree that is neither eastern nor western. Its oil almost lights up even though it has not been touched by the fire. It is light upon light. God guides to His light whomever He wants. God uses various metaphors. He has the knowledge of all things. (35)

hamedshh
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Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six. One to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs!

God is the light of the heavens and the earth. A metaphor for His light is a niche in which there is a lamp placed in a glass. The glass is like a shining star which is lit from a blessed olive tree that is neither eastern nor western. Its oil almost lights up even though it has not been touched by the fire. It is light upon light. God guides to His light whomever He wants. God uses various metaphors. He has the knowledge of all things. (35)

hIKARInoob
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hamedshh wrote:
God said to Adam, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. First the good news. I have given you a brain and a penis. The bad news… I’ve only given you enough blood to work one of them at a time!”

Then God told Adam not to eat of the apple. Then God gave Adam Eve… We all know what happened from then on…

dchomak
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hamedshh wrote:
Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it’s sad that law allows only one wife.

You know what the penalty is for bigamy in my home State?

2 mother in-laws.

dchomak
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Bort wrote:
Me: “I’ll have a regular latte, please.”

Employee: “And what’s the name?”

Me: “Generic name.”

(She writes it and makes my drink. When I get my coffee, she had spelled it, “Jenny-Eric”)
https://notalwaysworking.com/thats-amy-zing/47996

This is a true story:

I walked into a Starbucks, and when asked what I wanted I said,

“I can’t decide if I should get a lotta lattes or a couple o’ cappuccinos”

The barista, with out even a flinch looked me straight in the eye and said,

“Why don’t you try a Chai”

jacktheclipper
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A Mosquito landed on my wife’s face…

Easiest decision of my life.

Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.

A man goes to a library and asks for a book on suicide…

Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who’s gonna bring it back?

The Japanese flag is actually just a pie chart about how many of them are scared of Godzilla.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter F.

My girlfriend said we should experiment more in the bedroom.

This morning we synthesised a new protein chain.

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Why does it have to be a group activity?

I think it’s pretty cool how the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.

The word “nothing” is a palindrome. “Nothing” reversed is “Gnihton”.

Which also means nothing.

When I was younger, I always felt like I was a man trapped in a woman’s body.

Then I was born.

What’s heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?

A ton of feathers. Because you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

An Irish guy walks out of a bar…

It could happen.

I’d tell you a great time travel joke…

but you didn’t like it.

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