I lost my mother this past week. I won't list all the wonderful things about her here. I will state that even though she was not a person that cared much for material things, she kept the flashlights and folding knives I gave her near and ready to use. Always a couple small lights and a small folder in her purse, a light on her bed stand and one on each of the two tables by the chairs she used most often. They came in handy for her regularly and when others liked one, she would give it to them on the spot. She saved the night at a pig roast one time and wowed the crowd in a cave tour. She would laugh when recounting the events.
I have always known that I had a wall up to keep others from getting close to me. Being a shy person, I felt most comfortable not letting others see my soft sides and such. On her death bed, I spoke to her and shared feelings I should have shared with her though out her life. I don't know if she heard any of my words or if she even knew who I was, but I like to think that she did.
During these discussions, I began to realize things about me. The biggest being that the wall I spoke of above, was not to keep others from knowing me, but for me to keep from getting to know me. I think I also used hobbies such as modding lights to avoid looking at my self.
I told her that I will tear down my wall and learn to be open and to love others. I swear I saw a sign of relief in her face at that. It will be a challenge for me. I will still mod lights and pursue my other interests, but I will strive to not let be things to hide behind.
I love you Mom and will always try to remember your love and lessons.
Sounds like you had a wonderful Mother. There has never been, nor will there ever be, anything quite so special as the love between the mother and a son. Sorry for your loss.
Seeing the light, or walking in-to the light, comes in many form. Perhaps your likes in light was a path to the gateway your mother strategically planned.
May your mother rest and watch from above. She will always be close to you in spirit.
Man, I’m sorry for your loss. Losing a parent isn’t easy (I lost my dad a couple years ago). Glad to hear that you had the chance to at least be with her in some of her final moments.
And that is a great lesson to learn. I spent my time up until the middle of college never talking to anyone or making any friends. Thankfully that’s changed in recent years and I feel a lot better for it. Stay strong, let your mom continue to guide you, and share yourself with others. Peace brother (or sister)
Sorry for your loss.
Posting this thread is certainly a great step for you.
I am similar in some ways too, but recently becoming much closer to my mother.
Need to work on others…
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