What have I missed I’ve been away for a few weeks.
I pride my self on being belligerent but I don’t feel the need the need to go online and talk trash. To who or for what reason are these people trying to prove a point? I don’t agree with most things and most things make me angry ( yes I’m grumpy) but I just I deal with it with out being a goof usually. Actually scratch that the other day I Thru a Pan outside because who ever used it didn’t clean it after I cleaned up lol. One of my brothers made a mess every time some one makes a mess i restrain my self some what lol.
People who join blf need to learn to restrain there fingers!
Sometimes ignoring trolls is effective, because they can get bored and leave. But in practice, it seems like that frequently doesn’t work. Usually at least one or two people will respond, and then things escalate. The troll gets exactly what they wanted. But even when ignored, the lack of any consequences often just lets them know their behavior will be tolerated, so they keep doing it.
So we have a rude/report button. It helps direct admin attention to problems, without the loud and distracting escalation which occurs with a direct confrontation. It seems like this probably doesn’t get used enough though, because BLF sometimes has people willfully causing trouble for months or even years before they get removed.
Anyway, I’ve been thinking about the rules and cultural norms here a lot lately… and I’m not sure the current approach is optimal. I think there may be some subtle issues involved.
The emphasis on not responding to bad behavior makes silence the default and encouraged response. But usually when there are problems (not just here but in any part of life), saying nothing is not the answer.
In general, most people are pretty nice. They try to behave and contribute, and feel bad about reporting anyone… so it usually takes exceptionally bad behavior to get reported. They might be okay with asking the person to stop, but we have a cultural norm here to not do that. So instead of doing any of those things, the nice people just … don’t show up as often. Sometimes they leave entirely. And that’s a loss for all of us.
Avoiding conflict is a very different thing than resolving conflict. Avoiding it makes things more peaceful for those who aren’t involved, but typically allows problems to continue. Resolving it tends to be louder, but also faster and more effective. Pushing back even a little can make some people explode, which passes the threshold for what others are willing to report, and they get booted sooner rather than later.
Perhaps we shouldn’t be silent by default. Not responding may be more peaceful in the short term, but it can have big long-term consequences.
TK, I agree that resolving conflict, even if it seems to be escalating the situation at first, is almost always better than simply ignoring a problem and hoping it goes away. But like you said, we have a culture of de-escalation at any cost. And I think it has lost us some very valuable members. Surely, some of the members who are no longer showing up have other reasons. But I guess we won’t know how many left in a huff because of trollish behavior being allowed to grow unchecked by people who thought they were doing what is right and ignoring bad behavior. I find it can be a tough call at times, because part of being a “friendly” forum is certainly to have grace for each other to an extent. Knowing when really is the right time to do something, and what that something should be, can be hard to nail down.