The Daily Joke Thread

Today I shouted “Cow!” to a woman riding a bike.
She gave me the finger, then she ran into a cow. I tried.
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A friend of mine had to go to the hospital today because he ate an entire pizza.


My Pizza.
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My therapist said I should identify the people in my life that have hurt me, write letters to them explaining what they did and then burn them.
I feel so much better but I don’t know what to do with all these letters.
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“Well, I’ve got good news and bad news.”
“Gimme the good news first, Doc.”


“They’re gonna name a disease after you.”
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Brand new illnesses that are growing quickly and have no cure (yet) are scarier than old illnesses that are not growing quickly.

I prefer to be informed, so I will accept the media's scare tactics that they use to gain viewers.

That’s why I avoid as hell any antibiotics since they weaken your immune system. I believe as long as the amount of taken viruses is not severe human immune system should defend us.

Redneck murders the hardest cases to solve.
All the DNA matches and there are no dental records.
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My grandpa always used to say “as one door closes, another opens”.
A lovely man. A terrible cabinet maker.
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When I was young my parents sent me to a child psychologist.
That kid didn’t help at all.
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You don’t need a parachute to skydive.
You need a parachute to skydive twice.
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While getting into my car to go to work a cable tv repairman working on my neighbors house asked me what time it was . I told him " it's between 1 and 8 pm."
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My wife just opened the car door for me..
It would have been a nice gesture had we not been driving at 60 mph.

I can remember one time I was feeling sluggish, listless, and all I wanted to do was sleep. Could barely keep my eyes open. Had no idea at first what was causing it. Later I was told I had The Itis. Must’ve been…

But you only need it once. :wink:
Boaz, your posts are very hard to quote due to the amount of noise in the style annotations.

@ Boaz
Best joke teller on this forum :+1: ,you remind me of less Dawson ,why no mother-in-law jokes ,haha .

My mother-in-law is so fat she has her own postcode.

I said to the chemist, ‘Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?’ He said, ‘Why?’ I said, ’She keeps waking up…

Worst Thing That Could Happen

Before I install any patch, I always open the patch notes and Ctrl-F for 'supervolcano', 'seagull', and 'garbage disposal', just to be safe.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said ’No, Six should be enough.”

Here's a joke I just made up...

It's not that funny, but it is topical:

Q. What's the scariest rap group?

A. Wuhan Clan!

Yeah , you were right . :smiley:

Now that’s funny :smiley:

My only counter argument to that is that antibiotics are ESSENTIAL when you are dealing with a grave infection. People die without them. Penicillin was the very first one. And it saved countless millions of lives that would’ve died otherwise. The issue is abuse of antibiotics. “I have a bad cold!” “OK, here’s some antibiotics.” That’s just irresponsible. So what if your cold lasts a couple more days. Abusing antibiotics creates super bugs.

What goes with the Coronavirus?

Lyme disease

How do you annoy lady gaga?

Poker face.

Who’s Charlie Chan’s brother?

Wuhan Chan.

(Not funny, either)

Q: Daddy, is 4 a little or a lot?
A: It depends son. 4 dollars is not much, but 4 Chinese coughs is a lot

1 word joke

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