The Daily Joke Thread

Did you hear that the guy who wrote the hokey pokey song recently died? They couldn’t close the casket at his funeral.

Because they put his left foot in , he put his right foot out

Low-Background Metal

The only effect on the history books were a few confusing accounts of something called 'Greek fire.'

Good one. :smiley:

Careful guys so that this doesn’t turn into a politics thread. I’ve seen these things get ugly fast, that’s definitely not what we want to happen in lighthearted joke thread.

I have delegated my post.
In view of the dozens of Obama jokes on this thread I assumed that a few Trump jokes would be acceptable ( and they are funny ).
Your knowledge of the forum members is far greater than mine though so please accept my apologies.

Thanks, appreciate it! :+1: As always, I’d like to clarify that I’m not trying to enforce any sort of political agenda here, I simply step in to prevent politics of any leaning from being discussed here, because it always lead to fights.

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:wink:

Good point. Joke image removed. Thanks for the friendly heads up. :+1:

That's a really mean spirited video.

Not much offends me, but that video is over-the-top offensive.

So the parish priest is sent to a far off outpost in the artic circle ..he's there for a month , three months ..a year goes by and the bishop feels like he needs to go check up on the priest . .."I appreciate your visit Bishop and your concern about me... but I've found as long as I have my Rosery and drink two martini's a day... living up here is really not that bad .... Hey Rosery get the bishop a martini .

What happens to chemists who die?

They barium.

They thought I had type A blood, but it turned out to be a typo.

I started calling my iPod “Titanic.” Finally, it’s syncing.

At first I didn’t like my beard, but it grew on me.

In days of old, Cleopatra owned the most magnificent berry the world had ever seen.
And it was a male berry – as all majestic berry’s are.

People came from all over the world to see the berry and praise it magnificence.

Unfortunately too many also tried to steal her berry.

Eventually a heavy guard was place in the room where the berry was stored.
To challenge each viewer who came to view and praise the berry.

One day Mark Antony came with a large group to the viewing room containing the magnificent male berry.

In alarm the guard asked “Have you come to steal the berry?”

Mark Antony replied:
“I come not to seize her berry, but to praise him”

Rim-Shot,
All the Best,
Jeff

I wish my pencil lead wouldn’t break; it’s so pointless.

Did you hear about the Buddhist guy who went to the hotdog guy?

He said, “Give me a hotdog with everything on it”. :laughing:

So, a Flat-Earth’er and a astronomer were arguing about the Flat Earth - (theory ?)
No amount of proof would the Flat Earth guy accept. All was fake.

In desperation the astronomer said - “Do you have cats?”
“Why yes”
“And you know their typical behavior?”
“Yes again”
Well, if the earth was flat,
Cats would have pushed everything over the edge by now….