The Daily Joke Thread

What do you call a naked woman on the beach? Sandy

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen

What do you call a man who’s accident prone? ……………………AL

Huh? I don’t get it.

The monkey without a hat ate part of a pickle that was found in the shower of a gym...

which is extremely gross...

and hilarious!

Ummmmm, okay, I’ll take your word for it.

Must be that New Humor…

At a funeral the grieving widow asks if anybody would like to say anything.
A man in the congregation stands up and walks to the head of the coffin, says “plethora” and sits down again.
” Thank you” said the widow, “it would have meant a lot to him”.

A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, “No, I’m traveling light.”

Two men and one woman were stranded on a deserted island.

After two weeks the woman was so ashamed of what she was doing, she killed herself .

Two weeks later the men were so ashamed of what they were doing , they buried her .

Two weeks after that the men were so ashamed of what they were doing , they dug her up .

I never used to think I could be turned on by population statistics.

Then I came to my census.

What is the difference between a terrorist and an Italian wife ?

You can negotiate with a terrorist !

My friends are great, they're always there when they need me

Q: What do you call a religious person who says the world is coming to an end?
A: A crackpot!
Q: What do you call a secular person who says the world is coming to an end?
A: An environmentalist!

man and wife go to a zoo

zoo only has one dog

wife says there’s only 1 dog here

man says, yeah, it’s kind of a ’’shih tzu”

Road Rage

Boaz, That was great! Enjoyed it.

An America couple was being shown around Moscow one day, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.
“I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife.
“No, that felt more like snow to me,” she replied.
“No, I’m sure it was just rain,” he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing.
“Let’s not fight about it!” the man said. “Let’s ask our guide, Rudolph, whether it’s officially raining or snowing.”
As their tour guide approached, the man said, “Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?”

“It’s raining, of course,” he replied officiously.
But the woman insisted, “I know that it felt like snow!”
The man replied - “of one thing you can be sure, Rudolph, the Red, knows rain, dear!

All the Best,
Jeff

why was 6 afraid of 7?
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because 7 8 9 !

kid joke
wle

Man walks into a bar with a penguin. Sits down and asks the bartender for a beer and an ice water. As the bartender serves them their drinks he says: “I gotta ask you, what are you doing with a penguin?”
“Well,” says the man “it just showed up one day in my garden and I’ve been taking care of it ever since.”
“Man you should take that thing to the zoo.” the bartender goes.
“Wow that’s a great idea” says the man “why didn’t I think of that.”
A week later the guy enters the bar again with that same penguin right behind him.
“Well” says the bartender “I tought you were gonna take it to the zoo”
“Yeah I did’ says the guy ” He really enjoyed it, so now we’re going to the movies.”