The Daily Joke Thread

What religion are bears?

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

physics joke

This made my day. Thanks!

Fully Vaccinated

"You still can't walk into someone's house without being invited!" "What? Oh, I see your confusion. No, this vaccine is for a bat VIRUS. I'm fine with doorways and garlic and stuff."

RC,

Hahahahaha!

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, He leaned over and whispered to her,

“I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want
me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00 * on one condition.”
(There are always conditions!)

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”
(Controlling, huh?) The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man’s hand along with her address.

She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said . . . .
“Clean my house.”

All the Best,
Jeff

Hopefully I didnt already post these…

3 “Old” friends are walking down the street…

1st one: Windy isn’t it?
2nd: No, it’s Thursday
3rd: Me too! Lets go get a beer!

Later, it’s the 3rd one’s birthday (feel free to add codger names to these guys), so his buddies decide to hire a stripper. They tell her to go over to his house and give him some super sex.

Stripper shows up wearing nothing but a fur coat and knocks on door.

3rd guy: Yes?
Stripper (opens coat revealing gorgeous naked body): Super Sex!
3rd guy: What?
Stripper: SUPER SEX!
3rd guy: …
3rd guy: What kind of soup?

How many famous men and women were born on your birthday?

None, only babies.

How many people does it take to circumcise a whale? Fore skin divers (:

Wasn’t this a paul lynde joke on hollywood squares?

Ha maybe I’ve been hearing it since I was a kid. Credit to Mr Lynde then.

P.s. I used to work at the zoo circumcising elephants. It didn’t pay very well but I got some big tips

if your onion rings…answer it.

Here's an intelligent joke, for a change.

(I usually post stupid jokes.)

In Your Classroom

Ontology is way off to the left and geography is way off to the right.

Astronomy Status Board

Junior astronomers hate getting put on board update duty, but someone's gotta make sure that stuff is still up there.

Okay, I understood that one… :laughing:

Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench.

One asks the other , do you ever get horny ?

She replies , yes I do sometimes.

The first one then asks , what do you do when you get horny ?

She replies , I suck on a life saver .

The first one thinks for a moment and then asks - Who drives you to the beach ?

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat.
It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.
I came into my house, told my dog–we laughed a lot.

In my case it would have been:

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her dog.
It was obvious she thought her dog understood her.
I came into my house, told my cat–we laughed a lot.

I talked to your dog the other day and he swore he's never said a word to you ... and you're making it all up .

I trust a dog to tell the truth .. a cat would just ignore you . If interrogated they would just lie .