How loud do ya fart.......

25 posts / 0 new
Last post
nottawhackjob
Offline
Last seen: 39 min 9 sec ago
Joined: 01/07/2013 - 14:13
Posts: 1336
How loud do ya fart.......

while gripping a flash with the lens pointing FORWARD?

Well according to Quora……

“Alvin Meshits
The loudest fart ever recorded occurred on May 16, 1972 in Madeline, Texas by Alvin Meshits. The blast maintained a level of 194 decibels for one third of a second.”

Then there’s the Guiness Book of World Records……

“According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the loudest fart ever recorded was a fart of 113 decibels, by Herkimer Chort of Ripley, NY USA, on October 11th, 1972.”

All I know is an ex-girlfriend told me she once farted so loud it woke her up. Shocked

We stayed together for another 3 years butt there was just too much noise between us.

“In many things in order to truly understand the small picture you have to understand the big picture first.”

True Color Rendition (TCR)/Simplified Definition: “On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest rating, a TCR will equate to what true colors you see in sunlight vs the same object’s colors you see when illuminated with a flashlight. The closer the two are, the higher the TCR rating will be.”

The TCR Reference Standard is the Walmart Ozark Trail OT 50L , Model No. 6103.
It has a TCR rating of ‘10’. $1.00 including batteries.

Edited by: nottawhackjob on 06/30/2021 - 20:09
Bort
Bort's picture
Online
Last seen: 12 min 35 sec ago
Joined: 06/01/2012 - 17:15
Posts: 8225
Location: Holding the proverbial flashlight

Fart Jokes Exist In A Vacuum

Quote:

Our lobby is going to be closing soon, so my manager sends me out to vacuum the floor. There are a number of customers seated, eating, so my vacuuming will be limited to the places where no one is seated. The vacuum is old and practically worthless in terms of cleaning, but my manager insists that there isn’t money available for a new one.

As I get started, I feel gas building, and I end up farting. It’s a long one, too. The sound is covered by the noisy vacuum, so I keep going.

As I vacuum my way past a customer, I can hear them utter a yelp of horror over the noise. They are staring at my vacuum with expressions of absolute horror and disgust.

One of them says to me, “The motor is burning out.”

I don’t confess, mostly because I’m too embarrassed. I just nod with a straight face and keep going, dragging the smell behind me. Five minutes later, the smell has permeated the entire lobby. In those five minutes, everyone has complained to the manager about the smell of the “vacuum,” and everyone clears out. It’s still fifteen minutes until we close our lobby, but no customers have remained to tough it out.

The manager comes out from behind the counter and stops dead when he meets the wall of scent. He gives my vacuum the same look of horror and disgust, gestures for me to stop vacuuming, and sends me to do other duties.

A few days later, a brand new vacuum is mysteriously afforded, and the old one is disposed of.

I’ve never confessed.


https://notalwaysright.com/fart-jokes-exist-in-a-vacuum/121951/

The Journal of Alternative Facts TM

"It is critical that there is a credible academic source for the growing and important discipline of alternative facts. This field of study will just keep winning, and we knew that all the best people would want to be on board. There is a real risk in the world today that people might be getting their information about science from actual scientists"

 

 

 

202bigmike
Offline
Last seen: 4 hours 2 min ago
Joined: 07/23/2014 - 12:09
Posts: 896
Location: USA

How loud do you FART Question Do you mean when you’re:
1-Fully clothed ?
2-Butt Naked ?
3-In Bed Under The Covers ?
4-Sitting On A Wooden Church Pew/Seat ?
5-Or In Other Places That Have Good Echo or Reverberation Capabilities ?

And of course the odor , olfactory perception or effluvium/ effluvia is uplifting !!!

There’s Humor In Everything—-Just a thought. Sick

Souichirou
Souichirou's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 day 4 min ago
Joined: 04/05/2019 - 21:32
Posts: 692

194 decibels…. That’s unbelievable since I’m pretty sure all it takes is 150 decibels to burst eardrums since decibels are on a logarithmic scale for example the difference of 10 decibels would be the difference between a baby crying and a jet engine.

Fun fact the threshold for death by sound starts at 185 decibels.

mizjif
mizjif's picture
Offline
Last seen: 13 hours 22 min ago
Joined: 09/23/2010 - 03:13
Posts: 1982
Location: Winnipeg, MB, Canada

My wife can hear mine regularly. Thankfully her sense of smell is almost nothing so she is lucky in that aspect.

kuoh
Offline
Last seen: 6 days 21 hours ago
Joined: 03/10/2013 - 12:42
Posts: 565
It’s often not the volume, but rather the potency that’s the most sinister aspect. The silent ones are usually the deadliest!

KuoH

richbuff
Offline
Last seen: 5 hours 51 min ago
Joined: 09/22/2015 - 20:38
Posts: 986
Location: Prescott Az

About as loud as I masticate.

 

 

-----------------

FT02S: Still Rocks!

Rev 22:15

nottawhackjob
Offline
Last seen: 39 min 9 sec ago
Joined: 01/07/2013 - 14:13
Posts: 1336

“194 decibels…. That’s unbelievable since I’m pretty sure all it takes is 150 decibels to burst eardrums since decibels are on a logarithmic scale for example the difference of 10 decibels would be the difference between a baby crying and a jet engine.

Fun fact the threshold for death by sound starts at 185 decibels.”

Hmmmm. Death in this circumstance would be a function of distance and duration. If an ear were pressed tightly against the speaker or even say within mere millimeters the sound wave would be highly focused.

I certainly wouldn’t wanna die or much less lose hearing this way. Butt I have corporately worked with many people who inexplicably survived holey intact after such close encounters with the boss. Shocked

“In many things in order to truly understand the small picture you have to understand the big picture first.”

True Color Rendition (TCR)/Simplified Definition: “On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest rating, a TCR will equate to what true colors you see in sunlight vs the same object’s colors you see when illuminated with a flashlight. The closer the two are, the higher the TCR rating will be.”

The TCR Reference Standard is the Walmart Ozark Trail OT 50L , Model No. 6103.
It has a TCR rating of ‘10’. $1.00 including batteries.

lampliter
lampliter's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 week 1 day ago
Joined: 07/31/2017 - 16:06
Posts: 342
Location: Paradise

I tried a slipper in the elevator once; dam thing went off like an atomic blast; the guy next to me handed me his newspaper; I said, “what’s that for, to fan the effluvium? He said “No, I thought you had defecated in your drawers.”

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” —Abraham Lincoln

nottawhackjob
Offline
Last seen: 39 min 9 sec ago
Joined: 01/07/2013 - 14:13
Posts: 1336

Another true story…….

Way way back in me early 20’s my home lord of which I rented a room from invited a bunch of her gal friends over. Ann and me became close friends easily and being she was significantly older she affectionately called me, “Puppy”.

I was the only male there and had just walked in the house with no introductions. (By then I had already deduced that Ann batted left and so did her feem friends. I’m ok with that.)

So me and the gals including Ann ended up sitting in a big big circle on her hardwood living room floor. Remember no introductions. The conversational silence was kinda deafening. Other than a whisper or two between some of the gals I was mum, leaning back on my elbows about 10 feet from the closest gal taking the awkward situation in. They certainly indicated with body language no one wanted to get to know me.

About 5 minutes of this goes by and I really had to fart so I figured I could just do a single cheek raise and carefully, slooooowly squeeze one out a bit to relieve the mounting pressure. I had confidence it could be pulled off.

Well it WASN’T SILENT by any stretch of the imagination. The hardwood floor literally vibrated.

“PUPPY!!!!! ARE YOU FEELING BETTER NOW?”, Ann said laughing.

I looked around and all I saw was disgust. Smirking, vile looking glares.

That was it for that circle encounter. I stood up and went back to my room. I mean watt could I say?…..

“It was a pleasure farting loudly in front of all of you. Glad to meet ya!”

To this day I believe I’ve likely helped re-reinforce their opinions of males for generations to come.

Yup, I certainly helped put the cork in the bottle with that one. LOL

“In many things in order to truly understand the small picture you have to understand the big picture first.”

True Color Rendition (TCR)/Simplified Definition: “On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest rating, a TCR will equate to what true colors you see in sunlight vs the same object’s colors you see when illuminated with a flashlight. The closer the two are, the higher the TCR rating will be.”

The TCR Reference Standard is the Walmart Ozark Trail OT 50L , Model No. 6103.
It has a TCR rating of ‘10’. $1.00 including batteries.

neBstress
neBstress's picture
Offline
Last seen: 7 hours 8 min ago
Joined: 11/20/2017 - 17:42
Posts: 246
Location: UK

My dog farts himself awake then looks at me as if it was my fault.

turkeydance
turkeydance's picture
Offline
Last seen: 33 min 55 sec ago
Joined: 02/20/2020 - 18:53
Posts: 979

after my colonoscopy, i set a personal record.

chadvone
chadvone's picture
Offline
Last seen: 2 hours 28 min ago
Joined: 08/28/2015 - 23:48
Posts: 2002
Location: Iowa

Sub sonic

Lightbringer
Lightbringer's picture
Online
Last seen: 9 min 49 sec ago
Joined: 08/30/2016 - 14:12
Posts: 15735
Location: nyc

Good lord, can’t believe I’m actually reading, let alone chiming in to, this thread. Facepalm

 

Guy I worked with would cropdust people as he’d “breeze” past them in the aisles, poor schmucks sitting at their desks would have to stifle gags and make a run for it.

Was at a meeting once, and he let one loose that vibrated the table, inducing waves in peoples’ coffees.

Staring at the coffee, I just blurted out, “T rex?”, and you could tell who “got” the ref by who was dying laffing.

09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0

cohoer
Offline
Last seen: 2 hours 48 min ago
Joined: 08/07/2020 - 21:40
Posts: 246

202bigmike
Offline
Last seen: 4 hours 2 min ago
Joined: 07/23/2014 - 12:09
Posts: 896
Location: USA

We should all be aware , that FLATULENCE (farts) are prevalent worldwide Silly

Camaro
Online
Last seen: 3 min 35 sec ago
Joined: 06/27/2021 - 12:48
Posts: 76
Location: Ontario, Canada

My rookie post:

Favourite joke of mine.

A very prim and gentile old lady goes to visit her doctor one day.

“I’m not sure why I’m really here….. I seem to have to have a slight problem with passing gas, but it’s not really a problem…. There’s no smell and they are silent. As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas 3 times while I’ve been talking to you.”

“Hmmmm, I want you to take this medication and come back and see me in 2 weeks.”

2 weeks later the old lady storms into the office indignantly. “What on EARTH did you give me. I still have the gas problem and they are still silent… but the SMELL!!! I can barely stay in the same room!”

“Okay, now that we’ve cleared up your nose we can works on the ears….”

Hopefully light posts in the future, but light humour first I guess….

ValuseekeR
Offline
Last seen: 1 month 2 weeks ago
Joined: 12/01/2012 - 13:18
Posts: 386
Location: USA

Welcome Camaro and thanks for the joke!

I eat a VERY healthy amount of fresh veg and greens, and fart a lot. Impressed myself the other day when a joyous blast of mine was picked up on my wife’s work Zoom call two rooms away, LOL!! She had words to say about this afterwards… Big Smile

Rat
Offline
Last seen: 21 hours 27 min ago
Joined: 09/28/2011 - 06:13
Posts: 190
Location: Australia

I just harvested my earth apples around 30kg. The whole family loves eating them raw as they are so nice. They taste like a apple x carrot.
But they have one massive side affect they make you fart like no other vegetable on earth. The whole house is a constantly erupting. The only good thing is there is no smell for us anyway I am not sure that would be the case for meat eaters as well.

Jack Kellar
Jack Kellar's picture
Offline
Last seen: 8 hours 50 min ago
Joined: 03/09/2014 - 14:21
Posts: 2149
Location: Throwing bolts at anomalies

Come to think of it, I haven’t been able to let one rip below 60dB lately Big Smile On the other hand, no ninjas. Y’all know what I’m talking about Silly

Henk4U2
Henk4U2's picture
Offline
Last seen: 1 hour 9 min ago
Joined: 02/13/2014 - 17:52
Posts: 4129
Location: The heart of the Netherlands (GMT+1)

Most men must have heard of the famous club “Le Moulin Rouge” in Paris (France).
On stage there was a lot of oh-la-la going on. Let’s call it mature entertainment.

However, the highest payed artist was Joseph Pujol aka. Le Pétomane (the fartist?).
He could even do request songs, or “in- and exhale” a glass of water.

You are a flashaholic if you are forced to come out of the closet, to make room for more flashlights.

Quillz
Offline
Last seen: 1 month 1 week ago
Joined: 01/15/2017 - 00:16
Posts: 121
Location: Stockton,CA

“It’s a funny squeaky sound!” “ “You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant!”

Quillz

Quillz
Offline
Last seen: 1 month 1 week ago
Joined: 01/15/2017 - 00:16
Posts: 121
Location: Stockton,CA

You know your old when you can walk and fart at the same time

Quillz

Quillz
Offline
Last seen: 1 month 1 week ago
Joined: 01/15/2017 - 00:16
Posts: 121
Location: Stockton,CA

My mother in law thinks we’re very respectful to stand up when she gets up to leave the room. But we all do it so we don’t get crop dusted on her way out.

Quillz

pennzy
pennzy's picture
Offline
Last seen: 5 hours 29 min ago
Joined: 12/10/2017 - 19:45
Posts: 3847
Location: United States , Pa.

This thread stinks.