How loud do ya fart.......

Fart Jokes Exist In A Vacuum

How loud do you FART :question: Do you mean when you’re:
1-Fully clothed ?
2-Butt Naked ?
3-In Bed Under The Covers ?
4-Sitting On A Wooden Church Pew/Seat ?
5-Or In Other Places That Have Good Echo or Reverberation Capabilities ?

And of course the odor , olfactory perception or effluvium/ effluvia is uplifting :exclamation:

There’s Humor In Everything—-Just a thought. :confounded:

194 decibels…. That’s unbelievable since I’m pretty sure all it takes is 150 decibels to burst eardrums since decibels are on a logarithmic scale for example the difference of 10 decibels would be the difference between a baby crying and a jet engine.

Fun fact the threshold for death by sound starts at 185 decibels.

My wife can hear mine regularly. Thankfully her sense of smell is almost nothing so she is lucky in that aspect.

It’s often not the volume, but rather the potency that’s the most sinister aspect. The silent ones are usually the deadliest!

KuoH

About as loud as I masticate.

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FT02S: Still Rocks!

“194 decibels…. That’s unbelievable since I’m pretty sure all it takes is 150 decibels to burst eardrums since decibels are on a logarithmic scale for example the difference of 10 decibels would be the difference between a baby crying and a jet engine.

Fun fact the threshold for death by sound starts at 185 decibels.”

Hmmmm. Death in this circumstance would be a function of distance and duration. If an ear were pressed tightly against the speaker or even say within mere millimeters the sound wave would be highly focused.

I certainly wouldn’t wanna die or much less lose hearing this way. Butt I have corporately worked with many people who inexplicably survived holey intact after such close encounters with the boss. :open_mouth:

I tried a slipper in the elevator once; dam thing went off like an atomic blast; the guy next to me handed me his newspaper; I said, “what’s that for, to fan the effluvium? He said ”No, I thought you had defecated in your drawers.”

Another true story…….

Way way back in me early 20’s my home lord of which I rented a room from invited a bunch of her gal friends over. Ann and me became close friends easily and being she was significantly older she affectionately called me, “Puppy”.

I was the only male there and had just walked in the house with no introductions. (By then I had already deduced that Ann batted left and so did her feem friends. I’m ok with that.)

So me and the gals including Ann ended up sitting in a big big circle on her hardwood living room floor. Remember no introductions. The conversational silence was kinda deafening. Other than a whisper or two between some of the gals I was mum, leaning back on my elbows about 10 feet from the closest gal taking the awkward situation in. They certainly indicated with body language no one wanted to get to know me.

About 5 minutes of this goes by and I really had to fart so I figured I could just do a single cheek raise and carefully, slooooowly squeeze one out a bit to relieve the mounting pressure. I had confidence it could be pulled off.

Well it WASN’T SILENT by any stretch of the imagination. The hardwood floor literally vibrated.

“PUPPY!!! ARE YOU FEELING BETTER NOW?”, Ann said laughing.

I looked around and all I saw was disgust. Smirking, vile looking glares.

That was it for that circle encounter. I stood up and went back to my room. I mean watt could I say?..…

“It was a pleasure farting loudly in front of all of you. Glad to meet ya!”

To this day I believe I’ve likely helped re-reinforce their opinions of males for generations to come.

Yup, I certainly helped put the cork in the bottle with that one. :laughing:

My dog farts himself awake then looks at me as if it was my fault.

after my colonoscopy, i set a personal record.

Sub sonic

Good lord, can’t believe I’m actually reading, let alone chiming in to, this thread. :person_facepalming:

Guy I worked with would cropdust people as he’d “breeze” past them in the aisles, poor schmucks sitting at their desks would have to stifle gags and make a run for it.

Was at a meeting once, and he let one loose that vibrated the table, inducing waves in peoples’ coffees.

Staring at the coffee, I just blurted out, “T rex?”, and you could tell who “got” the ref by who was dying laffing.

We should all be aware , that FLATULENCE (farts) are prevalent worldwide :stuck_out_tongue:

My rookie post:

Favourite joke of mine.

A very prim and gentile old lady goes to visit her doctor one day.

“I’m not sure why I’m really here…… I seem to have to have a slight problem with passing gas, but it’s not really a problem…. There’s no smell and they are silent. As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas 3 times while I’ve been talking to you.”

“Hmmmm, I want you to take this medication and come back and see me in 2 weeks.”

2 weeks later the old lady storms into the office indignantly. “What on EARTH did you give me. I still have the gas problem and they are still silent… but the SMELL!!! I can barely stay in the same room!”

“Okay, now that we’ve cleared up your nose we can works on the ears….”

Hopefully light posts in the future, but light humour first I guess….

Welcome Camaro and thanks for the joke!

I eat a VERY healthy amount of fresh veg and greens, and fart a lot. Impressed myself the other day when a joyous blast of mine was picked up on my wife’s work Zoom call two rooms away, LOL!! She had words to say about this afterwards… :smiley:

I just harvested my earth apples around 30kg. The whole family loves eating them raw as they are so nice. They taste like a apple x carrot.
But they have one massive side affect they make you fart like no other vegetable on earth. The whole house is a constantly erupting. The only good thing is there is no smell for us anyway I am not sure that would be the case for meat eaters as well.

Come to think of it, I haven’t been able to let one rip below 60dB lately :smiley: On the other hand, no ninjas. Y’all know what I’m talking about :stuck_out_tongue:

Most men must have heard of the famous club “Le Moulin Rouge” in Paris (France).
On stage there was a lot of oh-la-la going on. Let’s call it mature entertainment.

However, the highest payed artist was Joseph Pujol aka. Le Pétomane (the fartist?).
He could even do request songs, or “in- and exhale” a glass of water.