Three are going to be a huge number of pandemic memes coming 
I love it
Man, I want the hoodie with that one on it!
I bet there’d be a market for the converse, too…
“100% Antisocial, Still Not Vaccinated” 
Agreed… 
An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor to have a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.”
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
“Well, doc, it’s like this —- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too. First with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin’ it between her knees but still nothing.”
The doctor was shocked and said, “You asked your neighbor?”
The old man replied, “Yep, none of us could get the jar open.”
Okay, not a written joke, but still a hoot.
Garage Door
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.
His assistant walked up to him and said,
‘This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?’
The boss told her he knew he’d closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up.
He then understood his assistant’s question about his ‘garage door’
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, ‘When my garage door was open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?’
She smiled and said, ’No, I didn’t. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires…
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’
‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis’
military humor:
a fortification is two twentyfications.
helicopter: 10,000 parts flying in close formation.
me: what will it cost to have my car fixed?
mechanic: what’s wrong with it?
me: i don’t know.
mech: $410.57.
your serve.
A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The preacher told them,
“We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month.”
The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church.
When the preacher ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband obviously very depressed.
“You are back so soon … is there a problem?” the preacher inquired.
“We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month”
The young man replied sadly.
The preacher asked him what happened.
“Well, the first week was difficult … however, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower.”
“The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.”
“However, the third week was unbearable. ”
We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible …
anything to keep our minds off sex.
Then one afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there.”
Admitted the man shamefully.
“You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church,”
stated the preacher.
“We know.” said the young man, hanging his head.
“We’re not welcome at Home Depot any more either.”
All the Best,
Jeff
No more one cent Home Depot clearance deals. Now that is a tragedy 
BTW anyone else miss Dchomak?
I miss him.
He hasn't logged in for three years.
Does anyone know what happened to him?
Obviously the Home Depot Mafia caught onto his scheme and hauled him away.
He is probably in China being forced to make Home Depot products on the assembly line until he repents.
me: how far is it to Podunk?
local: in the direction you’re going it’s 24,900 miles,
but if you turn around, it’s only one mile.
Someone asked me if I believe in clubs for women .
I said , Only if kindness fails.
Two gals and two guys are halfway into a long rugged rocky hike.
One guy gets bit right in the pecker while relieving himself. He’s in screaming agony. Panicking, one gal falls over backwards scraping herself up mightily. The other gal having a bottle of rubbing alcohol attempts to squirt the severely bleeding wounds and inadvertently gets a dose of alcohol in both eyes, and she too is in screaming agony.
The guy left standing blurts, “Thank GOD at least I’m ok to help y’all out here!”
The pecker snake bit guy cries out, “OH GOD HELP ME FIRST!!! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO!!! SCCCRRREEEEWWWW THEM!!!”
9 months later two perfectly healthy children were born.
PS. I just made this up.
PSS. I was expecting this kinda reply from someone like Lightbringer……….“Yeah, we could tell.” 
No way...
Really? 