Lightbringer and Boaz are walking a downtown street at 2:00 in the morning. The bars just closed. Each is holding a mightily lit up 2000 lumen+ flashlight in both hands. One of the flashes is on strobe.
The entire street looks like a car dealer parking lot sale search light event. People walking about aghast at the commotion.
A cop drives by and sees these two staggering around wavering and flashing things all over the place. They’re knocking over trashcans, walking into trees, staggering into parked cars. It’s a scene.
“HEY you TWO!!! Are you DRUNK!!!.”, the officer blurts out over the cruiser’s loudspeaker.
“No officer, we’re NOT drunk”, replies Lightbringer gathering himself for a moment.
“LIKE HELL YOU”RE NOT!!! PUBLIC drunkenness is against the LAW in this town!!! I’m about ready to HAUL BOTH OF YOU IN for disturbing the peace for starters!!!”
“Ok, ok, so I’ve had a FEW, officer. Ya see, I’m grieving me and the three girlfriends breaking up so I guess I have an excuse”, says Lightbringer trying to maintain composure.
“YEAH OK sure, three girlfriends. But what about your friend THERE!!! What’s HIS excuse? HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S TOTALLY $#!* SMASHED OUT OF HIS$@*! MIND COMPARED TO YOU!!!”
Mean while all this is happening, Boaz is staggering around oblivious there’s a cruiser with a loudspeaker and lightbar.
To onlookers, Boaz must be having severe epileptic spasms. He even starts to pee himself as evidenced by his pants and trail of puddles. Jerkingly waiving his arms, following his beams and strobing up into the sky, he stumbles about with a big maniacal grin on his contorting face.
Lightbringer replies……
“Oh, he’s NOT drunk, officer. Not at all. In fact he’s a devout teetotaler. Doesn’t touch alcohol whatsoever. He just gets like this whenever new flashlights are delivered.”
I don’t get it.
Apparently, Boaz acts very strangely when he gets a new flashlight.
But why’s he Amish all of a sudden? They’re not allowed to have flashlights.
He’s one of them rogue Amish. Besides, you encourage him.
Ok i’ll delete the Amish. What about a UFOologist instead. Ok no good either. How about, ahhhhh forget it.
Not to diffuse the subject butt yeah yer onto something. Or on something, IDK. :laughing: :+1:
Nah sure ya get it. It’s called an original sh*tty joke. 
:laughing: 
Did ya hear about the gal who hated flies?
Until she opened one.
two school jokes.
Teacher: can you spell correctly?
Student: yes. i wish all words were that easy to spell.
Teacher: i have went. that’s wrong, isn’t it?
Student: yeah.
Teacher: why is it wrong?
Student: ’cause you ain’t went yet.
Amish do have and use flashlights.
They also have LED headlights on their buggies.
A machinist calls his wife in the middle of the day, “Honey, I had an accident at work and I’m at the hospital.”
His wife says, “Oh my God, what happened?”
The guy says, “I got my hand stuck in the grinder and I lost my finger.”
She gasps, “The whole finger??!”
He says “no the one next to it”
Sheeeiiit. And here’s LB bustin’ me substantial agates.
This Daily Joke Thread is getting ridiculous.
I was showing my friend my new golf ball.
"It's impossible to lose," I said. "If you hit it into the rough it sends out a GPS signal so you can track it down."
"That's great," he replied, "but what happens if you it hit into the water?"
"Simple. The ball floats to the surface and tracks its way back toward you and you just scoop it back out."
"Brilliant!" he said, "Where did you get it?"
"I found it."
"It's impossible to lose," I said. "If you hit it into the rough it sends out a GPS signal so you can track it down."
"That's great," he replied, "but what happens if you it hit into the water?"
"Simple. The ball floats to the surface and tracks its way back toward you and you just scoop it back out."
"Brilliant!" he said, "Where did you get it?"
"I found it."
I was reading the newspaper this morning and saw a picture of a good friend of mine on the front page with a title saying, "45-year-old mechanic arrested for dealing drugs". I really thought I knew the guy, but I guess I was wrong. I mean, I've been a loyal customer of his for almost 7 years, and I had no idea he was a mechanic!
Did you know that it’s impossible to lose a homing pigeon? If it flies away and doesn’t come back, what you lost was a regular pigeon.
How does a polygamist hippie count his wives?
1 Mrs Hippie
2 Mrs Hippie
3 Mrs Hippie….
Farmed for many years… always said that about a combine. Don’t know how the survive in the dirt and dust with the load on them.
An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman walk into a bar. They all order a beer. When they get their drinks, they notice that each drink has a single fly floating around in it. The Englishman, disgusted, pushes the drink away and orders another. The Scotsman fishes out the fly and continues to drink. The Irishman however, fishes the fly out of the drink, holds it up in the air and yells, “Spit it out you ye bastard, spit it out!!”