You make up the joke, only rule is the punch line must be either;
Bitcoin
or
Tesla
or
Both
LOL
Somewhere P.T. Barnum is laughing his azz off.
A fat man without legs and arms comes to the ninepins alley. “I’d like to bowl a round.”
You will be able to buy an electric car with bitcoin but to run it you have to add quarters .
A burglar enters a house and finds a parrot sitting on a rack in the lounge.
The parrot says: “Stop it and just leave. Jesus is watching you.”
The burglar ignores the parrot and continues looting around the room.
The parrot insists: “Stop it and just leave. Jesus is watching you.”
The burglar laughs “You are a very christian little bird”, while a giant guard dog approaches from behind the sofa, growling and baring its large pointed teeth.
“Jesus!”, he shouts in fear.
“I told you, Jesus is watching you…”
A man walks into a psychiatrist office wearing nothing but Saran wrap.
The psychiatrist looks at him and says - I can clearly see your nuts !
My wife asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite from the store.
I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.
A man comes to the bakery. “Good morning. 10 bread rolls, please.”
The blonde salesgirl whispers conspiratively: “At your position, I’d take only nine. That way you save money and can easily buy one more.”
Reminds me of one…
A psychiatrist is going through the ward and checking the patients….
Room #1 is watching TV normally… “How are you doing today?”, “Quite well thanks, I love this show!” … Dr notes - Pt can be released in a week
Room #2 is finger painting…there’s paint everywhere…walls, curtains, ceiling… “How are you doing today?”, “Good, how do you like my painting?” … Dr notes - Pt might get released in a month
Room #3 is naked except for a bowl of nuts on his privates: … ” Erm…How are you doing today?“, ”I’m f’in nuts! I aint never gettin outta here!”
The recent inflation and gasoline issues are proof of the existence of a new chemical element. A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element has been named “Governmentium”. Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take over four days to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration! This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
It is also interesting to note that when catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium- an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
All the Best,
Jeff
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what’s your problem?”
Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!”
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave.
She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Harry: “9.”
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
Harry: “36.”
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.”
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions.”
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Harry, after a moment: “Legs.”
Ms. Brooks: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: “Pockets.”
Ms. Brooks: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Harry: “Pants.”
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?”
Harry: “Coconut.”
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”
The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer,
Harry replied, “Bubble gum.”
Ms. Brooks: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?”
Harry: “Shake hands.”
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?”
Harry: “Firetruck.”
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,
“Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last SEVEN QUESTIONS WRONG!!!
All the Best,
Jeff
Love it.
Man, inflation is bad.
“How bad is it?”
It’s so bad, just today I got in the mail a pre-declined credit card.
Sven and Olaf worked together in a Minnesota factory and both were laid off. Soooo.
So…dey went to the Unemployment Office togedder.
Asked his occupation, Olaf said,
“Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto da ladies cotton panties.”
The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher.
Finding it classified as Unskilled Labor, she gave Olaf $300 a week in unemployment compensation.
Sven, when asked his occupation replied, “Diesel Fitter”.
The clerk looked up Diesel Fitter and it was classified as a skilled job.
So, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week in unemployment compensation.
When Olaf found this out, he was furious!
He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his benefits.
The clerk explained,
“Panty Stitchers are unskilled labor and Diesel Fitters are skilled labor.”
“Vat skill? yelled Olaf. ”I sew da elastic on da panties. Olaf puts dem over his head and says,
“Yah, — DIESEL FITTER”.
(If you don’t understand a word of this, then you’re not Swedish or from Minnesota!)
All the Best,
Jeff
You win the internet :laughing:
I tried to tell two jokes yesterday. Guess which one bombed? Both.
See, the punch line is “both.” 
Did you hear about the website Jeff made for orphans?
It has no home page.
Last week my wife asked me to hand her the lipstick.
I accidentally handed her a glue stick.
It’s been a whole week and she still isn’t talking to me.
Beta you say
Like that one!