Today sucked pretty bad

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CarpentryHero
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Today sucked pretty bad

Spent the last two days at the hospital to find out that my wife had a miscarriage. 14 weeks in, now the “MiniMagic That Never Was” is gone. Maybe I should name the baby to help with the grieving, maybe it needs to sync in.

Those of you that have been through this, how did you cope, How did you say goodbye to the miracle that never happened?

You don’t need to comment, and if people don’t approve of this thread ill delete it.

I’m glad I’m not the only flashlight collector out there, I was beginning to think I was strange.
My name is Kendall and I’m a Flashaholic from western Canada

ohaya
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I haven’t been through something like that, but my sympathies to your wife and yourself, and your loss :(…

Jim

JohnnyMac
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Bless you and your wife, my friend. So sorry for your loss. Sad

Pulsar
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couldnt imagine that... wishing you and your family the best

Old-Lumens
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CarpentryHero wrote:
Spent the last two days at the hospital to find out that my wife had a miscarriage. 14 weeks in, now the "MiniMagic That Never Was" is gone. Maybe I should name the baby to help with the grieving, maybe it needs to sync in. Those of you that have been through this, how did you cope, How did you say goodbye to the miracle that never happened? You don't need to comment, and if people don't approve of this thread ill delete it.
In a way, we are distant family around here sometimes.

Time is all there is. Time to heal. It takes time for the bad pain to lessen. Sometimes it takes help from a professional, or a help group. It never leaves you, especially for a woman, because she carried the baby inside her. It never goes away, always there in the back somewhere, in the shadows. My wife's son died many many years ago. Little things bring it to the forefront. It's always there.

Time, don't rush it. It will lessen and it will affect everyone differently. Seek professional help with it.

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CarpentryHero
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Thanks all

I’m glad I’m not the only flashlight collector out there, I was beginning to think I was strange.
My name is Kendall and I’m a Flashaholic from western Canada

ohaya
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I have to be careful, to not offend anyone, plus I know it’s not the same thing, so apologies in advance just in case, but my wife had a very close friend, that was pretty close to all of my family, almost like one of my daughters.

She was young, and had a really vibrant personality, and everybody loved her… she’d “light up a room”.

She passed away last year, for no apparent reason, and my family still thinks of her all the time, and my wife still has dreams with her in them… they were that close.

The only consolation for that senseless loss that we can come to is that God must’ve really wanted her to be with Him…

Sorry if that’s a bit maudlin :(…

T.H.Cone
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CarpentryHero, I can’t really say anything more than what our peers have already said, but please know that you and your bride will will be in my prayers.

fidem, prae caeteris omnibus praeter honestatem

 

 

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MRsDNF
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Sorry to hear CarentryHero. Hugs all round.

 

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GottaZoom
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All I can offer is to grieve your own way . . just don’t ignore it. I’ve tried to talk through everything with my wife over the years, but some things just must evolve because at times we have our own conflicting emotions to sort through and resolve. We went through that twice . . . and I’m certain neither time was exactly like yours.

If every you feel someone who’s been through it can help, I’m just a PM away.

Dale
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Just have to grieve you’re own way. It’ll take time. Praying for you.

gords1001
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so sorry to hear this carpentry hero. My thoughts are with you both.

lopedevega
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It will take time to heal – although it will never go away completely.You will both need time to grieve.
But whatever you do – make sure you hug your wife a lot and tell her you love her.She needs you.
My thoughts are with you both.

kronological
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Man…I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your baby. Words fail me…but know several people here are praying and thinking of you and your wife.

No one, after lighting a lamp, puts it away in a cellar nor under a basket, but on the lampstand, so that those who enter may see the light.

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H.G.Sun
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If this happened to me, got to look strong and calm for the wife, make family get over it. yet suffer in mind.
sorry for what happened.

DB Custom
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Very sorry to hear of your loss. Be there for her, if nothing more than by her side just show her you’re there for her. It’s hard. And no, it never goes away. But you find that there are other things in life that will become a blessing to you after this experience. You’ll see things differently after a while and perhaps make different/better choices.

I almost lost my first wife back in ’84 to a tubal pregnancy. She literally almost died from loss of blood. That one was tough, but when my first born son died a month before his 18th, that was much much harder. That was 8 years ago, my wife and I now have our own 5 year old who keeps us busy chasing him and takes our mind off the pain, to some degree, from the loss of my first born. My daughter, Chad’s sister from my 1st marriage, just graduated high school and doesn’t have time for her old man. The way of things, I suppose.

Let it pull you closer together, relish the bonds that can be unbreakable, and lean on the friends that are there for you through thick and thin. Don’t be bashful, talk about what you feel, let it out and learn how to redirect. We spent a lot of time at the cemetery, for quite a while. And that was helpful. We tried to make a garden and that was a gift in and of itself, seeing the beauty in the midst of our pain and knowing the Great Creator had our back, as always.

God has us covered, it’s really that simple. Choose to believe it and it will nourish you. Choose not to and , well, pay the price.

If I’m not supposed to say that, too bad. It’s who I am and how I live. My choice, just like everyone else has theirs.

God Bless You and Yours

Dale, Mary, and Demolition Dan

Racer
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Sorry for your loss, my brother. When stuff like that happens, you cope because that’s all you can do is cope. And it definitely helps to talk about a tragedy like this. The last thing you want to do is keep it bottled up. Other than maybe self-destructive behavior, I don’t think there’s a wrong way to grieve. Just do what’s in your heart, and let yourself lean a little on those around you.

light junkie
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   Iam truly sorry to hear this I don't know how much that could hurt , I know my daughter just went through that and it devistaed her but try and be strong and supportive of your wife she neess your love and support more than ever may God comfort you and your wife and if doesn't offend you I will add you to my daily prayer list.

Lj

sandalian
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I’m very sorry for your loss, CarpentryHero.
My prayer for you and your wife.

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fishmaniac
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Sooo sorry for your loss. We’ll be prayin for you guys.

bdiddle
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It’s a terrible feeling.

My wife had two miscarriages last year. It sucked. First two pregnancies, first ended in March, second ended in September.

One thing that helped was naming both babies. Also, talking with the doc after the second, he assured us that many miscarriages result from problems with the pregnancy…… That if the body was forced to carry the baby to term, still born baby, undeveloped baby etc. The pregnancy may never have been healthy at any point in time. Sometimes the woman’s body just knows if there is a problem.

My prayers are with you.

Also, if people want to offer prayers for my wife, she is eleven weeks now. Third try, and another miscarriage would likely be permanently emotionally damaging.

Newb

relic38
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Very sorry to hear about your miscarriage, CarpentryHero. Sad
PM sent.

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AmandaLee5431
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Sorry for your loss Sad Best wishes to you.

billoz
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So sorry to hear of your loss. My Prayers to you and your wife.

makapuu
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Hang in there CarpentryHero. It will take time to heal.
Talking it out with your wife could be the best therapy for both of you.
Reaching out to your families support network can also help.

FlashPilot
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My dearest heart felt condolences go out to you and your wife. We had a similar experience several years ago. Your heart is in the right place and your feelings are very much intact, just as they should be.

Big hug to you Kendall… hang in there buddy. Pls check your pm.

janko.hrasko
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my sister went through this a couple years back.. I can’t imagine the pain and I’m sorry for your loss Sad
but now they have two beautiful kids so hang in there!

18sixfifty
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So sorry to hear about you loss. Try and keep this in mind. When you go through the stages of grief you will both hit the anger stage at some point. Maybe not at the same time but it will come. When you do try hard not to take it out on each other but if she does take it out on you remember that it’s natural for her to be angry as part of her grief. It also helps to know that everyone goes through the stages at different speeds. So what might seem inappropriate to one of you probably isn’t. What I mean by that is sometimes one person gets over it first or one person seems to stay stuck in a stage for a long time. Try not and get upset with each other as one or the other jumps ahead a stage. Eventually you will come to accept your loss. Not that you will ever really forget but you will accept it.

As for naming I don’t know if that is a good idea or not. I do know that it helps to keep a memento. If you have an ultrasound or somthing like that you might consider keeping it close by.

Good luck and stay tough, we are all pulling for the both of you.

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Sad news, indeed. You have my heartfelt condolences. My brother and his wide went through this twice before being blessed with a son. Each was very hard on them. Cry and try again.

Three Tanna leaves to give him life, nine to give him movement. But what if he eats the whole bag?

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Man the people here are so nice.

I’m deeply sorry for your loss mate Sad

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Sorry to hear this ...  Prayers for you and your family

 

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