Translation fun: 12V AA batteries, radioactive flashlights, and more

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sb56637
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Translation fun: 12V AA batteries, radioactive flashlights, and more

Let me preface this post by saying that I am fascinated by language.  I have learned a few languages.  And I have made more than my share of hilarious mistakes in doing so.  I especially admire anybody who can speak any one of the mind-bogglingly complex dialects of Chinese. And English is also an extremely difficult language in many respects.  Furthermore, the most difficult field of any language is describing mechanical functions and processes with words.  But this challenge combined with the typical seller's desire to give a grandiose product description often leads to some real corkers.  So I don't in any way intend to be mean or haughty in posting these funny product descriptions of some budget lights....

 

 

http://www.dinodirect.com/27A-Alkaline-Battery.html

We'll start with an AA-sized battery that I guarantee even the most lumen-crazy flashlight addict among you could only dream of owning.  How's 12 Volts pushed by 27 amps for starters?  It also

Quote:
Provides long life for cameras, car alarm remotes, burglar alarms, lighters
 Yes, for lighters.  It would appear that this is a new sort of lighter that doesn't use butane, but rather electric arcs produced by insanely powerful batteries like this one, sort of like a pocket-sized arc welder.  The error in this listing isn't technically translation related.  I would strongly suspect that they copied the listing (via clipboard copy/paste) from some other HTML page and ended up with a bunch of . character coding errors, which they subsequently deleted without bothering to check which character the code refers to.  . is an HTML period, by the way.

 

 

http://www.dinodirect.com/Mini-3W-Police-LED-Flashlight-GL-037-13.html

Now for a fearsome flashlight that I hesitate to mention on this public forum.  I certainly hope that owners will responsably use the following feature:

Quote:
Owns service life of up to 100,000 hours, boasts 10 tmes of irradiation distance
According to Google, irradiation is "the therapeutic or diagnostic use of radiation, esp X-rays".  So by combing the 12V, 27A battery from above with this radiation thrower, I suspect you could do some serious damage to your opponent.  And you could even make OTHER objects glow at night for a long time after shutting of this pocket-sized weapon.  How about a rechargeable armchair?  Just point this light at it, irradiate it, and enjoy the pleasant radioactive glow of your armchair as you read the morning news and drink a cup of radioactive coffee.

It also is impervious to damage....

Quote:
Holds super strong brightness of up to 120 lumens, so nearly never damaged

...apparently due to being so bright that the light particles (or waves, depending on which scientific theory you support) deflects objects or forces that could harm this intrepid flashlight.  In fact, most Chinese lights these days seem to be advertised as "shockproof", so technically you can drop them off a skyscraper, run over them with a steamroller, or throw them into a grinder, and no damage will be incurred.  Just make sure not to drop them out of your pocket onto the floor, as such an extreme shock is often too much for this titan.

 

 

http://www.dinodirect.com/Akoray-K-106-3-Mode-150-Lumens-LED-AA-Battery-Flashlight-Torch.html

This marvel of engineering is truly a multifunction device.  

Quote:

  • The surface of the flashlight is anti-skid function, more wearable, feel more comfortable
  • Stall: Highlight, Low Explosive, Flash Llight

 In fact I'm not sure if it's anti-lock brake module or possibly a tire (anti-skid), a shirt (wearable), an airplane motor (stall), or a detonating device (Low Explosive).  Although, come to think of it, almost any machine would probably stall if you subjected it to explosives.

Additionally,

Quote:
Waterproof, it's water-resistant
  Laughing

 

 

http://www.dinodirect.com/flashlight-cree-q5-led-120lumens-1mode-sa-20.html

They wax poetic in this florid description of a rugged flashlight that fears nothing...

Quote:

 

  • Easily cope with the wild harsh environment
  • Shell used aluminum materials, high-strength, low weight throw is not afraid, not afraid of pressure and durable

 

It also is an ideal companion when that wild, harsh environment tries to destroy the power grid, since this light has the unique ability to

Quote:
prevent power failures

This product description also instilled in me a healthy fear of law enforcement officials.  I would expect them to be doing two of the following three activities...

Quote:

For patrolling, hunting and arresting

On the other hand, in these parts where I live the people don't need to read this product description to know that you can hunt many jungle animals with a flashlight.  I just hope that they make judicious use of this potentially dangerous tool.

 

 

Please share your Translation Fun finds with us!

Budget Light Forum ...where Frugal meets with Flashlight!

Edited by: sb56637 on 06/14/2010 - 01:57
Don
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My favourite was a picture of a restaurant in Beijing where the sign makers had clearly used an online translation service to get the wording for the sign which gave the name of the restaurant as, "Translate server error". 

http://boingboing.net/2008/07/15/chinese-restaurant-c.html

 

The numbers from my light tests are always to be found here.

https://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0ApkFM37n_QnRdDU5MDNzOURjYllmZHI...

fishinfool
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Now those are funny!  Big Smile

 

 

Don wrote:

"But as I said long ago, you are more likely to be killed by a dead fish dropped by a seagull in the Sahara Desert than by a lithium ion

anduril
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My coworkers are now all looking at me after I burst into laughter and it's all your fault Smile

alfreddajero
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 Usually when i go to a page with problems like that i just giggle to myself, but that battery is what got me....a couple of those and i can power the house when the power goes during the storm. lol

With Darkness, there will always be Light.

 

 

sb56637
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There are SEVERAL battery sku.s on Dinodirect that advertise 12V.  Those pesky little periods....

Budget Light Forum ...where Frugal meets with Flashlight!

alfreddajero
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I wonder if they really get a customer that really think they put out 12volts........
















 

With Darkness, there will always be Light.

 

 

sb56637
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Sadly, the internet is still full of blissfully ignorant shoppers.  The same ones who diligently read SPAM ads and confidently buy the products via a Western Union deposit to an unknown seller in Romania.

Budget Light Forum ...where Frugal meets with Flashlight!

alfreddajero
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Now thats not a good thing......that is a lot of junk.

With Darkness, there will always be Light.

 

 

fishinfool
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I'm thinking about buying 2 of those 12v batteries..........1 for each of my cars.  Laughing

Don wrote:

"But as I said long ago, you are more likely to be killed by a dead fish dropped by a seagull in the Sahara Desert than by a lithium ion

alfreddajero
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I should as well, maybe keep one in the glove compartment as a spare. lmao

With Darkness, there will always be Light.

 

 

ivannee
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i'm having fun, some of Dino's descriptions are really wierd, but stuffs are pretty cheap, huh? for chinese, English seems a little bit difficult, maybeCool