The Daily Joke Thread

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Rexlion
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What happens to chemists who die?

They barium.

== We save the planet from darkness ==

Rexlion
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They thought I had type A blood, but it turned out to be a typo.

== We save the planet from darkness ==

Rexlion
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I started calling my iPod “Titanic.” Finally, it’s syncing.

== We save the planet from darkness ==

Rexlion
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At first I didn’t like my beard, but it grew on me.

== We save the planet from darkness ==

jeff51
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In days of old, Cleopatra owned the most magnificent berry the world had ever seen.
And it was a male berry – as all majestic berry’s are.

People came from all over the world to see the berry and praise it magnificence.

Unfortunately too many also tried to steal her berry.

Eventually a heavy guard was place in the room where the berry was stored.
To challenge each viewer who came to view and praise the berry.

One day Mark Antony came with a large group to the viewing room containing the magnificent male berry.

In alarm the guard asked “Have you come to steal the berry?”

Mark Antony replied:
“I come not to seize her berry, but to praise him”

Rim-Shot,
All the Best,
Jeff

Rexlion
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I wish my pencil lead wouldn’t break; it’s so pointless.

== We save the planet from darkness ==

Lightbringer
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Did you hear about the Buddhist guy who went to the hotdog guy?

He said, “Give me a hotdog with everything on it”. LOL

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jeff51
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So, a Flat-Earth’er and a astronomer were arguing about the Flat Earth – (theory ?)
No amount of proof would the Flat Earth guy accept. All was fake.

In desperation the astronomer said – “Do you have cats?”
“Why yes”
“And you know their typical behavior?”
“Yes again”
Well, if the earth was flat,
Cats would have pushed everything over the edge by now….

Lightbringer
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jeff51 wrote:
Well, if the earth was flat, Cats would have pushed everything over the edge by now….

“The Pet Collective” is often shown on “Animals Unscripted” on TBD. It’s a hoot!

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Rexlion
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One of the more memorable cats in the history of Hollywood…

== We save the planet from darkness ==

Lightbringer
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Oh, thought you were referring to Orangey The Cat.

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Henk4U2
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Lightbringer wrote:
Did you hear about the Buddhist guy who went to the hotdog guy?

He said, “Give me a hotdog with everything on it”. LOL

Reminded me of THIS one.

You are a flashaholic if you are forced to come out of the closet, to make room for more flashlights.

Lightbringer
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That’s funny.

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xevious
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raccoon city wrote:

That’s a really mean spirited video.


Not much offends me, but that video is over-the-top offensive.

It does a good job of telegraphing the kind of person who would post such a disgusting conspiracy laden farce. And I’m not surprised, given precedent. There’s tongue in cheek, but then there’s subversive agenda trying to masquerade as tongue-in-cheek. It’s one thing to poke fun at an individual, but another to do a full on character assassination. This, is duly noted.
xevious
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Henk4U2 wrote:
Reminded me of THIS one.
That’s really funny! Who’d have thought that the Dalai Lama had never heard of pizza?

Well, 7 years later, Australia Today revisited this. Another chance to chat with the Dalai Lama. And then… this:

hamedshh
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in this world there are two things that suck the most, one is the economy another is the politics, i’ll appreciate the one who mentions the third

Future is bright as predicted in all the scriptures!

hamedshh
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why not say the earth is cubic which makes more sense than calling it flat because a cubic earth is likelier than a flat earth

Future is bright as predicted in all the scriptures!

hamedshh
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xevious wrote:
Henk4U2 wrote:
Reminded me of THIS one.
That’s really funny! Who’d have thought that the Dalai Lama had never heard of pizza?

Well, 7 years later, Australia Today revisited this. Another chance to chat with the Dalai Lama. And then… this:

who says that i even heard of him that everyday he doesn’t eat a pizza he won’t go to bed

Future is bright as predicted in all the scriptures!

Lightbringer
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hamedshh wrote:
in this world there are two things that suck the most, one is the economy another is the politics, i’ll appreciate the one who mentions the third

People who can’t count?

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hamedshh
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Lightbringer wrote:
hamedshh wrote:
in this world there are two things that suck the most, one is the economy another is the politics, i’ll appreciate the one who mentions the third

People who can’t count?


definitely

Future is bright as predicted in all the scriptures!

sb56637
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@hamedshh: Please avoid controversial subjects, even if you meant it to be a joke.

Budget Light Forum ...where Frugal meets with Flashlight!

hamedshh
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sb56637 wrote:
@hamedshh: Please avoid controversial subjects, even if you meant it to be a joke.

Huh how able were you to delete my posts?
And why you lack capability of taking some jokes?
I mean you shouldn’t think of people being like yourself dude
And what i said was just a bunch of simple jokes and people can certainly distinguish between jokes and the seriousness
So they weren’t contravorcial at all

Future is bright as predicted in all the scriptures!

pommie
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This is sb’s house, you play by his rules so please do not disrespect him.
And keep it in mind that one persons joke can be another’s insult.

Cheers David

Nothing to see here folks, move along...

sb56637
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hamedshh wrote:
sb56637 wrote:
@hamedshh: Please avoid controversial subjects, even if you meant it to be a joke.

I mean you shouldn’t think of people being like yourself dude

This has nothing to do with my personal opinions or values or preferences. It’s human nature. Controversial subjects lead to arguments between others, and that’s what I’m trying to avoid here. It doesn’t matter if a controversial topic is thinly veiled as a “joke”, it is still in bad taste and causes problems for all of us here.

Budget Light Forum ...where Frugal meets with Flashlight!

MtnDon
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The freedom of speech addressed in the 1st amendment of the US Constitution states that government shall not infringe on free speech. If db wants to limit speech on something like this forum, we users have no choice but to comply if we wish to participate. Simple.

Henk4U2
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hamedshh wrote:
pommie wrote:
This is sb’s house, you play by his rules so please do not disrespect him.
And keep it in mind that one persons joke can be another’s insult.

Cheers David

Someone should also respect guests

sb does respect his guests.
That’s why there are rules about avoiding topics that can upset other guests.

You are a flashaholic if you are forced to come out of the closet, to make room for more flashlights.

sb56637
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Alrighty then… everyone else please carry on with the scheduled topic of jokes that are actually funny.

Budget Light Forum ...where Frugal meets with Flashlight!

Lightbringer
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Hero football player catches a baby tossed from a burning building!

https://www.mlive.com/news/kalamazoo/2020/07/former-kalamazoo-football-p...

Granted, he shouldn’t have “spiked the ball” immediately after. Shocked

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xevious
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hamedshh wrote:
Huh how able were you to delete my posts?
And why you lack capability of taking some jokes?
I mean you shouldn’t think of people being like yourself dude
And what i said was just a bunch of simple jokes and people can certainly distinguish between jokes and the seriousness
So they weren’t contravorcial at all
“Controversial.” So imagine if you joke about the Ayatollah on an Iranian forum. That’s not cool in your country. In kind there are some things which you might think “simple” but are not in the context of another culture. And, the user who called you out — he’s the head admin of this site, so… he can pretty much do anything.
Godisone
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imagine not being a human, everything would look different

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