The Daily Joke Thread

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manithree
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Don’t anthropomorphize computers. They don’t like it.

raccoon city
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manithree wrote:

Don't anthropomorphize computers. They don't like it.

Nice!

raccoon city
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Campfire Habitable Zone

campfire_habitable_zone

Oh no, my marshmallow became tidally locked!

xevious
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raccoon city wrote:

Campfire Habitable Zone


campfire_habitable_zone


Oh no, my marshmallow became tidally locked!

That’s very foretelling of what’s in store as ocean temps rise. Shocked

xkcd is excellent stuff. Here’s their extremely long timeline of Earth’s average temp rise: LINK.

Lightbringer
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That’s funny.

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Rexlion
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“How to get angrier at people you disagree with”

Lightbringer
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Rexlion wrote:
“How to get angrier at people you disagree with”

I must get a Tupac Chopra shirt…

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raccoon city
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Boat Puzzle

boat_puzzle

'No, my cabbage moths have already started laying eggs in them! Send the trolley into the river!' 'No, the sailing wolf will steal the boat to rescue them!'
Lightbringer
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Is it just me, or…

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Henk4U2
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Lightbringer wrote:
Is it just me, or…

No, you isn’t

Hell, where is that ant-eater if you need one?

You are a flashaholic if you are forced to come out of the closet, to make room for more flashlights.

Henk4U2
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The last line in my previous post reminds me of something.

In any language there are typical expressions you just can’t translate into any other language. When life became less hard because of the introduction of modern household machinery people were at first a bit reluctant to buy them. Afraid operating those machines proved to be too difficult. As with the washing machine. But those early models were dead easy to operate.
So an expression emerged that also was used in other situations. “Een kind van drie kan de was doen” literally “a three year old child can do the laundry”. In later years those machines became more sophisticated, and a bit harder to operate. Which led to the expression that literally translates into “where is that three year old child if you need one”.

Needless to say that expression is quite obsolete now. A tar and feather treatment would be the least if you said those words in the wrong company. E.g. in the company of young parents. FYI modern education involves the use of electronic gizmo’s, not learning about expressions, and what they mean.
Rant over.

You are a flashaholic if you are forced to come out of the closet, to make room for more flashlights.

turkeydance
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in that vein…
Groucho Marx on his health: when i get up in the morning, i feel like a 19-year-old, but there’s never one around.

Henk4U2
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Talking about growing old. Here’s an oldie. Sorry if it’s a re-post.

- After all these years my body is still a fine tuned mechanism.
I do a #1 at 7 o’clock, and a #2 at 8 o’clock.
- So what’s the problem.
- I never wake up before 9 o’clock.

Edit: sorry LB, you posted more of less the same one, about a year ago.

You are a flashaholic if you are forced to come out of the closet, to make room for more flashlights.

Rexlion
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Muto
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That is funny!

Thanks.

“History doesn’t repeat itself, but it sometimes rhymes,” Mark Twain

After the Apocalypse there will be only 2 things left alive, Cockroaches and Keith Richards

“You’ll develop like a herd mentality,”
“It’s gonna be herd-developed and that’s gonna happen.”

Yep it already happened

Lightbringer
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“No, it’s spring forward, and fall back…”

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raccoon city
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Rabbit Introduction

Rabbit Introduction
Washington state is seeing great success with reintroducing the Columbia River Basin subpopulation. We cannot allow them to further widen the interstate bun gap.
justanotherguy
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Lightbringer wrote:
Rexlion wrote:
“How to get angrier at people you disagree with”

I must get a Tupac Chopra shirt…

I went looking for that in the video… half cocked , thinking you said Tupac Cabra

pity

Lightbringer
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Naw, that’s his brother, Chupa.

They look kinda alike, though.

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ReManG
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What do you call a really angry listener?

A Therapissed

raccoon city
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pet_peeve 

manithree
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Reminds me of this one that was mostly funny because I had a nephew who thought it was hilarious when he was about 5.

There were two muffins sitting in the oven.
One says, “Man, it’s getting hot in here.”
The other one says (shocked) “Aaah! A talking muffin!”

raccoon city
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Deer Turrets

Deer Turrets
When my great grandfather designed the Titanic and it hit an iceberg and sank, he didn't sit around moping. He took those lessons to his next job designing airships, and he made the Hindenburg completely iceberg-proof!
manithree
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raccoon city wrote:

Deer Turrets

Battle Stags!

Henk4U2
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Man and wife are sitting in front of the TV. Woman watching some show. Man reading a paper.
Suddenly the man says: OMG, I’m reading men in ******** can earn $50/pop for sleeping with women.
The woman pulls out a calculator and says: since when can you stay alive on $45.83 per month?

PS I won’t reveal where ******** is. Too afraid you get there before me.

You are a flashaholic if you are forced to come out of the closet, to make room for more flashlights.

Boaz
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   Posting any more jokes that aren't funny ... will be dealt with severely.

 

 

       καὶ τὸ φῶς ἐν τῇ σκοτίᾳ φαίνει καὶ ἡ σκοτία αὐτὸ οὐ κατέλαβεν

                            

       Dc-fix diffuser film  >…  http://budgetlightforum.com/node/42208

Henk4U2
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You are a flashaholic if you are forced to come out of the closet, to make room for more flashlights.

Quillz
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What do you call a naked woman on the beach? Sandy

Quillz

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What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen

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What do you call a man who’s accident prone? ……………………AL

Quillz

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