The Daily Joke Thread

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80s Fan
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Q: Why do gorillas have large nostrils?
A: Because they have large fingers.

raccoon city
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Leap Year 2021

leap_year_2021

I've lived in the present for my whole life and I'm not about to move now.

raccoon city
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Vaccine Guidance

vaccine_guidance

I can't wait until I'm fully vaccinated and can safely send chat messages in all caps again.

raccoon city
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park 

Lightbringer
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Huh?

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raccoon city
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Lightbringer wrote:

Huh?

It's a very simple joke.

You either get it or you don't.

I don't see the point in posting something like "Huh?" every time you cannot understand a very simple joke.  :FACEPALM:

Lightbringer
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Oh, so that was it? I thought maybe the punchline got cut off at the end or something.

K, guess I just don’t get it.

(No mneme or current-events reference or anything that I’m missing?)

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raccoon city
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Lightbringer wrote:

(No mneme or current-events reference or anything that I'm missing?)

Nope.  :-)

Sorry I got angry.

(I thought you were messing with me, and I didn't understand why.)

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Huh? Naw, was just curious if it got cut off or if there was something “topical” about it.

Like if Cuomo invited one of his aides to “The Park” <nudge nudge wink wink> or something.

Most of those monkey ones, yeah, I admit it, I just don’t get ‘em.

Even goggled it, only thing of interest was “Cage of death – Review of Crocosaurus Cove, Darwin, Australia”(!!), but figured it’s unrelated to that.

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turkeydance
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well, we love the jokes that do not make much “sense”…
sort of like the Surreal Jokes which were popular
during the Last Millennium.

example:
How many surrealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fish.

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I heard it was ghoti.

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raccoon city
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date 

Lumeniac
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that`s really specific joke...not funny without context

 

another stupid joke. really popular in Russia.

 

" Bear walks through a forest. Sees a burning car.  Sits inside it and burns down"

 

there is bunch of memes about it....

 

 

 

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Lumeniac wrote:

that`s really specific joke...not funny without context

What context do you think is required to understand the joke that I posted today?

I would argue that it is a very simple joke that you either get or else you don't, and that no context is needed to understand it.

Lightbringer
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Ha! I get it!

Today’s April 3rd, 2021, so 4-3-21.

Now that makes sense!

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Lightbringer
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Lumeniac wrote:
another stupid joke. really popular in Russia.

“ Bear walks through a forest. Sees a burning car.  Sits inside it and burns down”

I guess that was Smokey The Bear.

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Lumeniac
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well. i`ve red it couple of time.. the basic idea is obvious. but that`s not that funny. at least for me. 

 

just remembered old joke (we call these ones  "long-bearded"

 

guy sits in prison, new cell-mate comes it. they talk , guy asks new cell mate - "what are you sentenced for?

"i opened window at work..."

"? where did you work?

" in submarine"

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I gotta confess, though, I never “got” Jewish humor.

A lot of it was puns and plays on words, usually Jewish/Hebrew/Yidddish/whatever words, that zinged right over my head.

Eg, you’d get a 20min shaggy-dog story, with the punchline(?) something like, “…it saved the nine, because it was a schtitzen dayim!”, and I’d be all like, “huh?”.

Whaddya mean, ‘huh?’, don’t you get it?

‘Schtitzen dayim’, ‘stitch in time’, get it? No??

You’re stoopit…

 

And dunno if anyone remembers the Jackie Mason Show, a 30min show we used to have on, late late late nights. opened with a caricature of him, and the show would be JM doing stand-up comedy.

It was okay, until it got too “ethnic”, and then I’d be lost.

Like,

Knock-knock.

[Who’s there?]

Yommika!

and the whole audience rolls on the floor laffing.

So I’d tell the same joke to a cow-orker, and get this look, like, wtf?

And I’d tell him that I just heard it yesterday on the JMS, and everyone was rolling on the floor laffing, so what’s the matter with you?

Oh, yesterday… okay, then it made sense.

Whut??

Well, yesterday was the feast of Tovah Feldshuh, when Moses went up on Mount Cyanide and God told him to wear a yommika from then on, as a reminder of XYZ

Sooooo… it was funny yesterday but it’s not funny today?

Exactly! Yesterday it made sense, but today it doesn’t.

Okay, I’m so confused…

I think I prefer the shaggy-dog stories.

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zoulas
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Lumeniac wrote:

well. i`ve red it couple of time.. the basic idea is obvious. but that`s not that funny. at least for me. 


 


just remembered old joke (we call these ones  “long-bearded”


 


guy sits in prison, new cell-mate comes it. they talk , guy asks new cell mate – “what are you sentenced for?


“i opened window at work…”


“? where did you work?


“ in submarine”

LMAO, just kidding, it was ok.

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What religion are bears?

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

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physics joke

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This made my day. Thanks!

-joel

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Fully Vaccinated

fully_vaccinated

"You still can't walk into someone's house without being invited!"  "What? Oh, I see your confusion. No, this vaccine is for a bat VIRUS. I'm fine with doorways and garlic and stuff."

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RC,

Hahahahaha!

EDC

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A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As all men will.) Before she could offer her apologies for so rudely staring, He leaned over and whispered to her,

“I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want
me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00 * on one condition.”
(There are always conditions!)

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”
(Controlling, huh?) The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man’s hand along with her address.

She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said . . . .
“Clean my house.”

All the Best,
Jeff

azj
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Hopefully I didnt already post these…

3 “Old” friends are walking down the street..

1st one: Windy isn’t it?
2nd: No, it’s Thursday
3rd: Me too! Lets go get a beer!

Later, it’s the 3rd one’s birthday (feel free to add codger names to these guys), so his buddies decide to hire a stripper. They tell her to go over to his house and give him some super sex.

Stripper shows up wearing nothing but a fur coat and knocks on door.

3rd guy: Yes?
Stripper (opens coat revealing gorgeous naked body): Super Sex!
3rd guy: What?
Stripper: SUPER SEX!
3rd guy: …
3rd guy: What kind of soup?

turkeydance
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How many famous men and women were born on your birthday?

None, only babies.

Photon Master
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How many people does it take to circumcise a whale? Fore skin divers (:

justanotherguy
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Photon Master wrote:
How many people does it take to circumcise a whale? Fore skin divers (:

Wasn’t this a paul lynde joke on hollywood squares?

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Ha maybe I’ve been hearing it since I was a kid. Credit to Mr Lynde then.

P.s. I used to work at the zoo circumcising elephants. It didn’t pay very well but I got some big tips

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