Idk what should I type here

A working title, but somewhat true. I warn you that there may be some complaining, a little long, boring and somewhat chaotically written. I’ve never been good at it.
Let me start by saying that I took a rather long break from this hobby. It will be about three years. More or less. It’s also possible that I got a little burnt out on it. I am now trying to slowly get back to it. I try to look at blf and r/flashlight more often. There are a lot of interesting news and… well. The urge to make more purchases is coming back again. I looked at my excel file with the inventory of my flashlights and mods. It’s already a bit out of date. I look through my flashlights and various parts. I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the amount of stuff (related to this hobby ofc) that I own. 4 boxes with flashlights and three more with modding parts. My first thought is to sell everything. Or at least most of it. As much as possible. Do a reset. But here comes the reason for the long break. There are things I don’t like to talk about and this is one of them. Some time ago it got to me that I might have depression. I know that I have a lot of symptoms and it would be good to go to a psychologist about it. However, something keeps holding me back. And because of this something, I am only able to do basic things. Home, cooking, cleaning, working, etc. I can’t get myself together to take pictures of stuff I would like to sell. To write what’s what, to put up ads here, or r/. And there is a lot of it. This week, I started looking through the drivers I own. It used to be that fet and amc based drivers led the way. And those are the ones I have the most. As I saw what Simon offers now, they seem worthless to me. I have a lot of parts left to build drivers, but I forgot how to program them, and on top of that I have a “new” computer, so all the software needed to do that has been removed. I get the impression that I now have to learn everything from scratch. I also looked on the leds. They too now seem worthless to me. The sst20, 219c and b luxeon v, xml2 and many others older or newer. Springs from BSM that I have barely touched. Optics with different angles, bought to see which would fit best. I look at all this, and it’s only now realizing how much money I wasted on this hobby. Although, “wasted” may not be the right word. Every hobby, once you get into it, is expensive. The deeper you go down the rabbit hole, the harder it is to sell something afterward, especially outside of dedicated forums. I’m not talking about selling at a profit. That’s not possible. Just as it is impossible to sell at the price you bought. Well, because who will buy used at the same price as new? Everyone is looking for a bargain. Dragging on, I looked through the flashlights that are waiting their turn to be modified. Most of them probably won’t live to see it. They’re lying disassembled, waiting for parts they’ll never get because they’re unobtainable, out of my reach, which they won’t get because it’s not worth investing in them if they’re only going to go on sale. And so now I’m sitting back and pondering it all. Because that’s all I feel like doing. If anyone has read this in its entirety, I congratulate and sympathize. I’m sorry that I’m pouring out my bitter regrets here, but this seems to be the only place where I feel at least a little comfortable. And if there are any grammatical errors, I blame it on the translator.

2 Thanks

Good of you to open up and be honest, sorry you’re feeling the way you are.

I think the “consumerism-isation” of hobbies is a lot to blame, “what did you buy today”, “XYZ light unboxing”, endless “great deals”, really push us into a deep hole of buying endless stuff to get the next dopamine hit.

For the last few years, I feel slightly overwhelmed by the “collection”, like you, I might get around to selling some stuff one day, but the admin is a burden.

I’ve tended to stick to modding the lights I do have, and remembering why I got into this hobby in the first place - to use cool lights in the dark. Savour uses for your lights, whether it’s going for a hike in the dark, or looking under the sofa for something you’ve dropped.

One of my favourite threads on here is “what did you mod today?”. The modding of lights is where BLF started, can be done by most people, and ultimately is more satisfying than pressing the “Buy” button on AliExpress. I really enjoy seeing what others create with their skills and creativity.

Hang around a bit, don’t let the “stuff” stress you, interact as much as you feel like, there are plenty of people who step away from the hobby then come back, there is no such thing as a stupid question!

4 Thanks