2942

I went on another job interview yesterday and the manager asked me
“ How do I see yourself 10 years from now ? “

I said …. “ a time machine “ .
Looking back on the interview I probably should have said ….a mirror .

2943

Here’s an original joke by yours truly…

I train seeing eye dogs.
We haven’t had much business lately, so I’m telling everyone I meet to look directly at the eclipse. :stuck_out_tongue:

2944

Eclipse Clouds

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2945

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2946

i know a lot of jokes about unemployment,
but none of them seem to work.

2 Thanks
2947

I lost a job once. Apparently someone else found it.

1 Thank
2949

A man opens his eyes and sees the devil, holding a clipboard. The devil says: you’re not on my list, why didn’t you step into the light? The man says: it was a bit too angry-blue for my taste…

3 Thanks
2950

sometimes i feel like giving up, but then, i think what’s the use?

2951

I was online looking at Walmarts website for something else … when I saw Purina dog chow in smaller bags

4.4 lbs

$16.14

91.7 ¢/lb

… “ Math is hard “

2952

That guy must have worked at McDonald’s. The reference unit there is The Quarter Pounder.

2953

A priest, a rabbi, and a sailor walk into a bar.
The sailor says: sorry guys, but I think I’m in the wrong joke.

2 Thanks
2954

Driving PSA

This PSA brought to you by several would-be assassins who tried to wave me in front of speeding cars in the last month and who will have to try harder next time.

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2955

Also known as The Gap Of Death…

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2956

XKCD is so great!

1 Thank
2957

Ocean Loop

I can’t believe they wouldn’t even let me hold a vote among the passengers about whether to try the loop.

2958

what color highlighter
does the CIA use?
black.

4 Thanks
2959

Nice! :+1:

2960

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2961

My mom read this joke online and shared it with me…

A pun walks into a bar and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten “ded.” :grinning:

When I tell the joke out loud, I have to pronounce the punchline strangely otherwise people don’t get the joke.
That’s why I spelled “dead” incorrectly.
If you just say “pun intended” it doesn’t seem to register.
You know a joke is good when the explanation is longer than the joke. :grin:

2962

The Terminator walks into Tech Noir. Says to the bartender, “Shots for everyone…”.

1 Thank