Kinda like The Big Clive’s “kink palculator”.
I like a malapropism, sometimes slipping “it’s not rocket surgery” into a sentence. Hardly anyone notices, but it occasionally gets a delayed grin.
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Nice!
I’ll have to use that in the future.
Sounds like Spock and McCoy working together.
Car Size
‘They really shouldn’t let those small cars drive in traffic. I worry I’m going to kill someone if I hit one! They should have to drive on the sidewalk, safely out of the way.’
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“The U.S. Mint this week stopped producing new pennies. Doesn’t make sense.” – from last night’s SNL.
(apologize if this is too…“unclean?” :D)
A man gets onto an elevator, noticing an elderly lady is already on it.
After a minute, the elderly lady says “Young man, can I smell your balls?”
Flustered, the man says “What!?, No!”
The elderly lady looks at him, wrinkles her nose, and says:
“It must be your feet then.”
If Pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower,
what do college students travel on?
Scholar Ships
What should you expect at the end of Thanksgiving?
“g.”
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside!
please be careful about the Holiday scams out there.
i ordered my wife some jewelry for Christmas
and the they sent me 4 flashlights instead.
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Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
Because they don’t have the guts!
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What do you call a Christmas wreath made of $100 bills?
Aretha Franklins
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A recent discussion reminded me of this old joke.
Three mathematicians go hunting. They see a deer. One shoots and misses 10 m to the left. Another one shoots and misses 10 m to the right. The third one starts jumping up and down screaming 'we got him! '.
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That’s also the way governmental finance works!
That’s a good one. 
Reminds me of a witty friend of mine while on the subject of allegedly being well endowed,
“It’s not 12 inches, but it smells like a foot.” 
“Smells like a foot”?? 
Haha, we’re gonna get a slap if this keeps up.
Huh? Why? It’s clean… well, if she actually washes it, that is.
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Funny Numbers
In 1899, people were walking around shouting ‘23’ at each other and laughing, and confused reporters were writing articles trying to figure out what it meant.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Hike
Hike who?
Unsuspecting crowd,
Me waiting with
bated breath,
Sets the perfect trap.
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Qapla!