1781

No, you isn’t

Hell, where is that ant-eater if you need one?

1782

The last line in my previous post reminds me of something.

In any language there are typical expressions you just can’t translate into any other language. When life became less hard because of the introduction of modern household machinery people were at first a bit reluctant to buy them. Afraid operating those machines proved to be too difficult. As with the washing machine. But those early models were dead easy to operate.
So an expression emerged that also was used in other situations. “Een kind van drie kan de was doen” literally “a three year old child can do the laundry”. In later years those machines became more sophisticated, and a bit harder to operate. Which led to the expression that literally translates into “where is that three year old child if you need one”.

Needless to say that expression is quite obsolete now. A tar and feather treatment would be the least if you said those words in the wrong company. E.g. in the company of young parents. FYI modern education involves the use of electronic gizmo’s, not learning about expressions, and what they mean.
Rant over.

1783

in that vein…
Groucho Marx on his health: when i get up in the morning, i feel like a 19-year-old, but there’s never one around.

1784

Talking about growing old. Here’s an oldie. Sorry if it’s a re-post.

- After all these years my body is still a fine tuned mechanism.
I do a #1 at 7 o’clock, and a #2 at 8 o’clock.

- So what’s the problem.

  • I never wake up before 9 o’clock.

Edit: sorry LB, you posted more of less the same one, about a year ago.

1785

1786

That is funny!

Thanks.

1787

“No, it’s spring forward, and fall back…”

1788

Rabbit Introduction

Washington state is seeing great success with reintroducing the Columbia River Basin subpopulation. We cannot allow them to further widen the interstate bun gap.
1789

I went looking for that in the video… half cocked , thinking you said Tupac Cabra

pity

1790

Naw, that’s his brother, Chupa.

They look kinda alike, though.

1791

What do you call a really angry listener?

A Therapissed

1792

1793

Reminds me of this one that was mostly funny because I had a nephew who thought it was hilarious when he was about 5.

There were two muffins sitting in the oven.
One says, “Man, it’s getting hot in here.”
The other one says (shocked) “Aaah! A talking muffin!”

1794

Deer Turrets

When my great grandfather designed the Titanic and it hit an iceberg and sank, he didn't sit around moping. He took those lessons to his next job designing airships, and he made the Hindenburg completely iceberg-proof!
1795

Battle Stags!

1796

Man and wife are sitting in front of the TV. Woman watching some show. Man reading a paper.
Suddenly the man says: OMG, I’m reading men in can earn $50/pop for sleeping with women.
The woman pulls out a calculator and says: since when can you stay alive on $45.83 per month?

PS I won’t reveal where is. Too afraid you get there before me.

1797

Posting any more jokes that aren't funny ... will be dealt with severely.

1798

1799

What do you call a naked woman on the beach? Sandy

1800

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen