The Daily Joke Thread

We all need a good laugh ...feel free to share .

A university professor and a blonde are sitting next to eachother on a plane. The blonde is trying to sleep when the professor gets bored. "Let's play a game. I'll ask a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me a dollar. Then you ask me a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you a dollar." The blonde looked at the professor and shook her head, knowing she would lose. "Fine," continued the professor, "If you can't answer it's a dollar, if I can't answer, it's $100." The blonde agreed to play. The professor began with "What is the first element in the periodic table?" Without answering the blonde handed him a dollar. The blonde then asked "What travels to the moon ever Thursday, returning every Sunday?" Unsure, the professor pulled out his laptop, used the plane's phone, called up every contact to try and get his answer. Eventually he gave up and handed the blonde $100. "Well, what's the answer?" he asked. The blonde smiled, and handed the professor a dollar.


Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said “Look at that dog with one eye!”

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, “Where?”


Two blondes are putting aluminum siding on a house and the one girl notices that the other is throwing about every other nail away .."What are you doing ?"...."Some of these nails are defective ...they have the head on the wrong end "....".You Idiot ...Those are for the other side of the house ".

Heard about the Irish rapist ?

he ties the sheilas legs together so they cant get away


how to make a hankie dance ?

put a little boogie in it

Three blondes go for a walk in the woods, where they see some tracks on the ground

"It's a deer" the first says, confidently

"No, they're too big for deer. It's got to be an elk." disagrees the second

"Elk? Look at the size of those tracks. Those are MOOSE tracks!" cries the third.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.


So a baby seal walks into a club...

Hear about the blonde lesbian ?

She likes men .

A priest , a rabbi , and a minister walk into a bar .

The bartender looks up and says " What is this , a joke ? "

Two Irishmen were walking out of a bar...

Love it .

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral ?

One less drunk .

A seal goes to a bar.

The bartender asks: What do you want to drink?

The seal says: " Anything but Canadian Club!

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "hey, fella, why the long face?".

Knock, Knock.

Who's there?


Dave who?

Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

What does a hurricane and a red-neck divorce have in common?

No matter what, somebody's gonna lose a trailer.