Hey, I resemble that remark! 
Have you heard about the Dalek Egg timer ?
After 3 minutes it goes…
Eggs Terminate!
Bad boys, bad boys
Whatcha gonna do?
Whatcha gonna do when you have no rude?
Negative 2 rudeness?
Yeah, months ago I had -1 rudeness, and it eventually disappeared.
Now I have -2.
I have no idea why.
Now I'm going to destroy any credibility I had by posting a doctored screenshot...
… Looks like the T-virus is striking again…
Maybe try African Elephant - bigger ears
One which young folks may not understand. Go ask your Mom if this is you 
_Bag boys, Bag boys, what they gonna do?
Take your food to the car for you…
_
And some fun on YouTube:
Best Fidget Spinner Trick Ever
Phil
That’s the best trick I have ever seen with a Fidget :+1:
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
Phillipe Phillope.
Hi it seems that the joke sources are completely empty lol
Or if we mount a spring on an elephant it will fly lol
American scientist: “Back in the day, we spent millions of dollars to design an ink pen to work in zero gravity.”
Russian scientist: “We used a pencil.”
American Engineer, “actually Fisher (the pen company) spent the money developing the space pen. We took it to space for 6 bucks a pop. Given the fact that they are still selling them, I think they made a good investment. And by the way, having graphite pencil shavings floating around in an oxygen rich environment in zero gravity seems like a pretty bad idea. Ask the families of Gus Grissom, Ed White or Roger Chafee or anyone on the Apolo team what they think.”
Lol. Sorry about the historical inaccuracies. How about these.
A fisherman complains to his friend:
- Bloody neighbor! When I go fishing, he goes to my wife. When I stay at home, he checks my fishnets.
Rabinovich instructs his wife before the party:
- Don’t lay silver spoons on the table!
- Do you think the guests can steal them?
- No, I’m afraid they can recognize them!
heheh
.
.
A burglar broke into a home and was looking around. He heard a soft voice say, “Jesus is watching you”. Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again the voice said “Jesus is watching you”. He turned his flashlight around and saw a parrot in a cage.
He asked the parrot if he was the one talking and the parrot said, “yes.”
He asked the parrot what his name was and the parrot said, “Moses.”
The burglar asked, “what kind of people would name a parrot Moses?”
The parrot said, “the same kind of people who would name their pitbull Jesus”.
^ You know “Jesus is watching you” has a whole different meaning in a Mexican prison…
Jokes
An Illinois man left the cold streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.
His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor, dead.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.