“Doc, you gotta help me. I got these songs running over and over through my head. Over and over, to the point where I can’t even think straight. I even end up humming them to myself. I can’t sleep! It’s exasperating!”
“Interesting… what songs are they?”
“A bunch… Delilah… What’s New Pussycat… Thunderball…”
Wife asks programmer husband to go to store and buy a loaf of bread.
Then she adds, “If they have eggs, get a dozen”.
Husband comes home with 12 loaves.
Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?
Great food, but no atmosphere.
God almost reaches the bottom of the bag of things to give to Adam and Eve.
He pulls out a piece of paper, “peeing standing up”
Adam: “oh God, give that to me, really I should have this”
Eve shrugs: “if it is so important to him, give it to him”
“And so it shall be from this moment onwards” proclaims God
And he reaches in the bag.
“Last one left, since Adam got peeing standing up, this one is for Eve”
He pulls it out and reads “being able to have multiple orgasms”
Dear Gearbest. I recently purchased a Haikelite MT01 MT-G2. It’s broken. Light flickers on turbo mode. I’ve included a video. Please scroll down to “Six Brightness Levels” for demonstration.
“And YES, I FREAKING KNOW THAT SCHIZOPHRENIA IS NOT THE SAME AS MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, OKAY? But it’s a longstanding common misconception that it is, and in everyday humour, the two are taken to be the same. THIS IS NOT JUST ME; check out these jokes:
I’m schizophrenic and so am I.
National Schizophrenic’s Convention: Anybody who’s everybody will be there!
If a schizophrenic threatens suicide, is it declared a hostage situation?
I may be schizophrenic but at least I have each other.
Paranoid schizophrenic: Are you staring at us?
Hell, one blogger even started a collection of schizophrenic jokes. Here’s a sample:
I’ve half a mind to go to that meeting on schizophrenia tonight.
When is a man two men? When he is beside himself.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort
Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town
Whenever you leave behind failure, you’re doing good. If you think everything you’ve done is great, you’re probably dumb
There is a huge difference between a dog that is going to eat you in your mind and an actual dog that’s going to eat you
You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it
Take your risks now, as you grow older you become more fearful and less flexible. And I mean that literally. I hurt my knee this week on the treadmill, and it wasn’t even on
Try reading this funny comedian quotes! really made my day!