A thread about Mental Illness

[jerm03]

One “potential” problem is that if one is judged to be mentally ill he may have go forfeit his firearms.

[xevious (Gary)]

@rebelbayou

I read with great interest these posts on mental illness, as I was diagnosed with mental illness when I was 19. I am now 54. When I was diagnosed, I had my own business, married to a beautiful woman, had all kinds of toys and should have been on top of the world. But at that point in my life, my mental illness blocked all the “good things” in my life and all I focused on was the “bad things.” Instead of being thankful for all the good in my life, all I did was bitch about all the bad in my life. Even though I had it all, all I could see was what I didn’t have. My wife used to always tell me, “you always look at the glass half empty.” She was one of those people who was blessed to see the glass half full. We were married for 16 years until she could not take it any more and divorced me and that really sent me into a spiral downhill that I still haven’t recovered from and that was 20 years ago. I remember going to a psychiatrist one time and brought her with me and that psych told me that if I didn’t change my attitude, I was fixing to lose everything I had, including my wife and my business. I remember leaving there so mad that day and cussing the doctor. Low and behold his prediction came true within 5 years. At first I was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, social phobia(which hasn’t really come to light until recently) I had a thriving business where I had to go out and meet people every day and always in the public eye. My wife was a trophy and I wanted to be the center of attention. Social phobia has me at the point now where I avoid crowds at all costs, go to the grocery store late at night, have the windows tinted on my vehicles, etc. I didn’t realize it at the time but I slowly stopped going out in public, started making my wife go places for me and make deliveries for me. I became a hermit and didn’t realize what was going on with me. She was the best and I will always miss her.
I have been to probably 100 different therapists, counselors, etc. I am now on the 8th anti depressant in the last 10 years. Don’t give up people!!! Keep trying until you find one that works for you. About 5 years ago, my doctor diagnosed me with PTSD due to the fact of the effect that my divorce had on me. I thought that was only for people in the army. Shows what I know.
As stated above, seasonal depression is real and I have it big time. Around Sept. or Oct. every year I start to get down and out. I try to spend as much time as possible outside. Light boxes do work!!! I don’t look forward to the holidays, they depress me. This is where family and friends are very helpful and beneficial, especially if they understand depression. Knowledge is key. An old doctor told me a long time ago that a person is never really cured of depression, that they just learn to cope with it better over the years. I believe that, as has been my experience. I also know that depression comes in waves, and it will pass in a few days. I get down and out over the smallest things, but I try to remind myself that in a couple of days, I will be in a different state of mind. And that always comes true, for me anyway.
One last thought on this subject, I hope I don’t offend anyone with this subject but suicide has not been mentioned in any of the posts above. My thoughts on this has changed over the years. I was raised in a Catholic household and was taught that if a person commits suicide, they would automatically go to hell. I believed that for years until I got older and researched mental illness further. My views have since changed because I firmly believe that mental illness is a disease that can take over your mind and put you in a place so low that your mind will convince you that there is no other option. I could never do that because as long as I stay on my medication, I know that is not the answer, but I can see how a person can be taken over by this disease and follow through. This happened to a good friend of mine and the only way we knew how he felt was from the note he left behind. I know this is a touchy subject and no one wants to discuss it, but it is real and needs to be talked about if we are to prevent people from letting this illness take them over. Before passing judgement on someone, do yourself a favor and read something about this illness. We all have it to a certain degree. Reading is knowledge, knowledge is power! Thanks for reading my thoughts on this subject.

Sorry you had to go through that, all the loss… painful.

Regret is the worst nemesis of all. I’ve had that beast on my back. The “shoulda, woulda, coulda” thing. Lost potential. We can’t move forward unless we kick it off our backs, send it running. Piss on it if it tries to return. Regret caused me to become acquainted with depression. And depression is no comfort. It’s the side-kick of regret. The mind becomes unable to self-correct. And without any feedback, you end up in a hole.

I’m finding the only thing that helps get me out of the doldrums is exercise and socializing with people. But I can’t do the latter until I reach a point of feeling better about myself. Too quick to size-up and compare. So, you hear about someone’s great job, new lover, home, etc… and feel smaller because of it. It’s ridiculous in hindsight, but hard to see it that way when in the thick of it. Human psychology… it’s a bitch.

[teacher]

/\ ….