Haha.
I was at the veterinarian’s yesterday when a woman came in with a Parakeet that wasn’t moving. She asks the Vet if the bird was dead and he said “Yes, I’m afraid your bird is dead. That will be $10”. She says “Are you sure it’s dead?” The Vet says “wait just a minute” then shortly he comes back with a Labrador Retriever who sniffs the bird then shakes it’s head “no”. The vet leaves with the dog and comes back with a big Tabby cat who looks the bird over from one end to the other then shakes it;s head “no”. The Vet says “Your bird is dead lady- that will be $100 please”, The woman shrieks “But it was only $10 a few minutes ago!” The Vet says “Lady, somebody has to pay for the Lab work and the Cat scan. $100 please!”
Phil
Wife: We have a problem with the car. There is water in the injectors.
Husband: What ! You don’t know anything about cars. How can you say there’s water in the injectors.
You don’t even know what an injector is. Where is the car ?
Wife: In the river.
For Sale
What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?
Dam!
A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Cheers David
A further study found that 100% of divorces are caused by marrage.
Cheers David
On Saturday morning, a cyclist gets up early, as he has
for so many Saturday morning rides, and softly slips
out of the bedroom.
He dresses quietly in the next room, grabs his helmet
and water bottles, and goes out to pump the tires. As
the garage door opens, he’s confronted by an icy,
windswept rain.
He’s ridden before in these conditions. He doesn’t like
it, but when it’s Saturday morning he never misses. He
ponders the dismal conditions and then retreats to the
kitchen to tune a small TV to the Weather Channel.
The forecast only sounds worse. This is one Saturday
when he just can’t summon the determination.
With a sigh, he slips off his shoes, quietly returns to
the bedroom, undresses and slips back into bed.
There he cuddles up to his wife’s back and whispers,
“The weather out there is terrible.”
To which she sleepily replies, “Can you believe my
husband went riding in that crap?”
Birthdays are good for your health! Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
LOL
Reminds me of a Dilbert comic
Catholic priest and rabbi travel in a train. After some time priest got hungry and took out ham sandwiches from his bag.
Do you want some? - asked priest.
No, thanks, my religion do not allow me to eat pork - said rabbi.
Pity - said priest - it is really, really tasty.
Finally they arrived to their destination.
My best regards to your wife - said rabbi.
Oh, my religion does not allow me to have a wife - said priest.
Pity - said rabbi - it is really, really tasty.
Mike
We have run out of joke.
i say a first funny one for the H man.
An Illinois man left the cold streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.
His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor, dead…
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Your Loving Husband.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
“HURT ME!!!” Screamed the masochist…
“no” the sadist replied….
Why do they evacuate the women and children first?
You can’t fix S**T with all that screaming and crying going on…
Two women walking down the road, four abreast
Do you know the official land speed record for a slug?
0mph/kph, the official records are done at the salt flats you see…