Now this thread is making me sad when I click itâŠâŠ
Ok ok Iâll stop! :laughing:
well, if we are âpickingâ on postersâŠâŠ
Boazâs new binoculars are so powerful
that anything less than a mile away
looks like itâs behind you.
Was listening to Rodney Dangerfield yesterday while I mowed the lawn:
âMy wife is the worst cook in the world. At my house, we pray after we eat.â
when we went to Ireland, we murdered our way along.
we went down to Kilmary and back to Kilpatrick.
then we went to Kilkenny and stopped until
we decided to go to Kilmore.
Ahhhhh, The Irish.
Jeff Bezos was climbing up the stairs to get into his rocket.
He suddenly stopped, turned around, and yelled to the launch assistant belowâŠâŠ
âI REALLY gotta take a !@#$ leak!!!â
âSorry Mr Bezos but itâs too late! We canât stop the launch cycle now! Youâll just have to go in your containment underwear! So sorry sir.â
âCRAP!!! Bezos retorted and proceeded to climb the stairs.
As the rocket made its ascent the cabin pressurization unfortunately caused his by now bloated containment underwear to violently burst.
Upon landing to the cheers of the crowd, Bezos had a sh*t eatinâ grin on his face.
Geography Teacher: Where is Milwaukee?
Student: First in the NL Central.
A middle-aged guy walks into a steamy public bath and is shocked to see the bubbly spaâs jammed full with only naked beautiful young women. Being natively shy since a boy he stood there at the edge fully clothed.
âDonât be shy you can feel at ease! We all share something in commonâ, said one of the gorgeous young patrons with an alluring smile and wink. The other 14 stunning gals giggled nodding in agreement.
âYou have to understand I wasnât expecting THIS, ya know with just you gals here! Iâ m in my mid forties!â
Being that he was the only male surrounded by such young beautiful naked women he thought,
âHow many more unbelievable opportunities like this will come in my fading lifetime? How many more? None! Thatâs how many. None! Just do itâ. And with that inner once-in-a lifetime convincement, he confidently disrobed proudly displaying his ample manhood, gingerly tip-toeing into the pool.
All the girls clapped, laughing, giggling, saying things like, âWhat a stud!â, âAtta boy!â, âYouâre a hunk!â, âOooooo la laâ, âYeaaaah baby!â
By now all shyness was completely gone. His confidence rock solid with it involuntarily beginning to show underwater.
Then he blurts out to break whatever initial tension was left within himself even furtherâŠâŠ
âSo what is that ONE thing in common we share besides Iâm a MAN surrounded by such beautiful women in a public bath!â he said with a hearty joyous laugh.
One of them answers,
âWeâre transvestites.â
PS. Ya know itâs REALLY REALLY hard to come up with a good original joke. How do I know? Iâve yet to come up with one.
And if you can believe it, theyâve a county where they dare you to KilâŠ
What a bloody tough place that must be to live! :person_facepalming:
Well, in honor of Gayteenth from last month or whateverâŠ
âDid you hear about the famous Irish homosexurals? Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.â
Thankfully, itâs not an original joke.
âThankfully, itâs not an original joke. â
Your original jokes are way better than mine!
Haha I havenât heard that one in years. I always said Henry Fitzinpatrick
Did you hear they found the remains of a homosexual dinosaur? Megasoreass
Mary said marrying for money is the last thing she would do.
she married a millionaire and hasnât done anything since.
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich...
"I see your eyes are working.â replies the duck.
"And you can talk!!â exclaims the barman.
"I see your ears are working, too.â says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly. Sorry about that.â says the barman, as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just, we don't get many a ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the roadâ explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck, and wants to learn more. But takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it. The duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, pays up, bids the barman a good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks.
Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"
"Sounds marvelous!â says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."
âSwell. Iâm always looking for the next job.â says the duck. "Where is it?"
"At the circus.â says the barman.
"The circus?" repeats the duck.
"That's right.â replies the barman.
"The circus??â the duck asks again "...with, the big tent?â
"Yeah.â the barman replies.
"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" asks the duck.
"Of course.â the barman replies.
"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.
"That's right.â says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says⊠"What the hell would they want with a plasterer ?!?!â
Two drunks are daring each other to do tough macho things.
One challenged the other: âI bet you dare not claim up the beam of my flashlight here!â
The other immediately responded: âDonât be ridiculous. I know what is in your dirty mind: Once I climb up the beam, you will just switch off the light and let me fall!!â No deal!!!
A duck walks into a bar. The bartender says âwhatâll it be?â The duck says, âdo you have any duck food?â The bartender is a little annoyed and replies, âthis is a bar, duck. Of course I donât have any duck food! If you arenât going to buy a drink, get the h*ll out of here!â
The next night the duck walks into the bar and again, he walks up to the bar and asks for some duck food. The bartender is really angry now. âlisten, I told you I donât have any damned duck food. If you ask me one more time Iâm going to pick you up and nail your feet to the bar!â
The duck walks out. The next night he walks into the bar again. The bartender practically yells this time, âWhat do you want?!!!â The duck says, âDo you have any nails?â The bartender is taken aback⊠âUhh, no I donât have any nailsâŠâ. The duck says, âGreat. Do you have any duck food?â