Rodney Ds…
You know you’re ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn’t going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
I asked my wife, ‘On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?’
She said, ‘You know I’m no good at fractions.’
With my doctor, I don’t get no respect.
I told him I want a vasectomy.
He said with a face like mine, I don’t need one.
I haven’t spoken to my wife in years.
I didn’t want to interrupt her.
I told my wife the truth.
I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist.
Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
My wife had her driver’s test the other day.
She got 8 out of 10.
The other 2 guys jumped clear.
I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks.
The bartender asked me, “What’ll you have?”
I said, “Surprise me.”
He showed me a naked picture of my wife.
I tell you, with my doctor, I don’t get no respect.
I told him, “I’ve swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.”
He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
All the Best,
Jeff