he: “I love you and I want you to look and feel your best. And I don’t
think that particular dress compliments you well. Let’s find something that hides those big love handles.”
Joe Biden said a few months ago that he’s going to pick a woman as his running mate. In recent weeks some people are saying that he should pick a black woman. Elizabeth Warren is now scrambling to fill out the proper forms. She’s also going to send her spit in for DNA testing again.
Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. She said, “What movie would you like to see?”
I said, “You pick.”
She said, “You pick.”
I said, “I don’t care. You pick.”
She said, “Sir, there are people waiting behind you waiting to buy tickets.”
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A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?