devman
(devman)
October 5, 2011, 3:49am
3
Three blondes go for a walk in the woods, where they see some tracks on the ground
"It's a deer" the first says, confidently
"No, they're too big for deer. It's got to be an elk." disagrees the second
"Elk? Look at the size of those tracks. Those are MOOSE tracks!" cries the third.
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
__________________________________________________
So a baby seal walks into a club...
Hear about the blonde lesbian ?
She likes men .
A priest , a rabbi , and a minister walk into a bar .
The bartender looks up and says " What is this , a joke ? "
soytnly
(soytnly)
October 5, 2011, 3:55am
6
Two Irishmen were walking out of a bar...
Love it .
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral ?
One less drunk .
edc
(edc)
October 5, 2011, 4:01am
8
A seal goes to a bar.
The bartender asks: What do you want to drink?
The seal says: " Anything but Canadian Club!
JohnnyMac
(JohnnyMac)
October 5, 2011, 4:03am
9
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "hey, fella, why the long face?".
JohnnyMac
(JohnnyMac)
October 5, 2011, 4:13am
10
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Dave.
Dave who?
Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
Foy
(Foy)
October 5, 2011, 4:48am
11
What does a hurricane and a red-neck divorce have in common?
No matter what, somebody's gonna lose a trailer.
drum-drum-cymbal Foy
VFMaddict
(VFMaddict)
October 5, 2011, 10:18am
15
I saw a Nun struggling to get a suitcase onto a train so I helped her.
"God Bless You" , she said. I replied, "He already has. Would you like to see it."
My girlfriend said she was breaking up with me because of my obsession with The Monkees . I thought she was joking .
And then I saw her face ...
JohnnyMac
(JohnnyMac)
October 5, 2011, 3:23pm
18
What is red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint
How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
An Irish man, a homosexual, and a Jew were standing at a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a gun
Get into the van
How many Sigmund Freud's does it take to change a light bulb?
Penis, I mean mother, no wait, 1, yeah 1.
Langcjl
(Langcjl)
October 5, 2011, 4:35pm
20
One for the kids. What’s invisible and smells like carrots? Bunny farts.Sorry but I can’t tell my Bigfoot joke here.
wiljen
(wiljen)
October 5, 2011, 5:23pm
21
a guy sitting at the bar asks the attractive young lady down the bar from him if she'd sleep with him for a million dollars. She says yes. He says how about for $50? She responds "What kind of girl do you think I am?" he replies "We've established that much, now we are just haggling over price".
Hey JohnnyMac , here's an anti limerick :
There once was a swimmer terrific
Who thought he could swim the pacific
Though bets we laid down
That the poor man would drown
He was eaten by a shark in front of a large crowd of terrified onlookers .