It only laughs when I hurt...

One thing that amazes me. The compassion women show to people who get hurt doing dumbsh*t. Dont look at me all funny cause I’m doubled over laughing. That is Darwinism at it’s finest. All men are well aware & enjoy Darwinism. We don’t wish harm on anyone. Random accidents & such, in no way do we find that humorous.
Case in point, Flash back twenty five years ago. Imagine if you will a group of teenagers who have been drinking all day. One of the drinkers has a scooter. In the middle of this drinking binge.Someone has the great idea ’ Hey! Lets ride the scooter’. Of all cosmic bad ideas, at the moment this sounded sane. Anyone who knows me still maintain it’s a mystery as to how I made it past twenty.
So off we go… We break out the scooter and everything is going well. The riders know they are drunk and are being extremely careful… well… as much as possible for a drunk on a beefed up moped. The owner of the scooter ( We’ll call him Sam). Is becoming increasingly aggravated by our cautious behavior. He walks over snatches the scooter and informs us ‘We are a bunch of p*ssies’. He then speeds off in a cloud of gravel & dust. We watch him tear around the lot at speeds that didn’t seem prudent.( Like there is a prudent speed drunk ). Sam goes to the far end of the lot and speaks those fateful words… WATCH THIS.
VROOOMMMMM He’s gone! About the time he takes off, we notice a weird elevation at the end of the lot that wasn’t there previously. Hmmmm Sam built a ramp. OH SH*T!! SAM BUILT A RAMP!!! NO!!! SAM!!! NO!!! Sam having visions of Evil Kneviels jump of the Grand Canyon paid us p*ssies no heed. Sam hit the ramp perfect. BUT… Sam had ignored one very important law.
The law of physics. He had placed his fulcrum too far to the rear. Thus creating a really cool ramp/teeter totter… When he reach the acme of the ramp the weigh distribution caused the ramp to teeter. Sam losing his balance as the scooter and he were being propelled upward. To this day I cannot look at a box of Applejack’s and not think of Sam… The little boy doing a cartwheel in midair is the perfect likeness.
All in all Sam did pretty well… he went about 30 feet. The scooter didn’t make it half that far. As we ran to help Sam suddenly jumped up and commenced a rather lively & enthusiastic dance accompanied by his own guttural YE YE YE YE … Sam had landed on a old wooden window frame and it had put a gash about 2 inches around and a half inch deep in his thigh.
We managed to get Sam back to the apt. Keeping direct pressure on his leg to try to staunch the bleeding. At this point one of the girls ( A blonde ) announces she is training to be a nurse. Great!! What do we do? She says just wait one second and off she goes to the bathroom. We being fully occupied with trying to stop the bleeding did not see the girl emerge with a full bottle of rubbing alcohol. She slide in from the side and just like a bartender filling a shot glass. She filled the hole in Sams leg to the top with rubbing alcohol.
I being a youngster had heard of people coming unhinged. But I had never witnessed it. Let me tell ya it’s frightening. Sams face went ghostly white and lost all expression for a nanosecond. Then it sounded like someone was blowing on a dog whistle. A super high pitch squeal … Sams face instantly burst into every possible emotion at once. His body convulsed, tears ran, he cried, laughed,his tongue looked like a alien trying to escape his mouth. everything twitched all at one time. The maniacal words spewed… ” I’ll Kill You ’ were quite traumatizing. He launched himself at his innocent care taker… Well, we managed to drag him off her… Apart from being covered with Sams blood, tears, snot, & saliva she was none the worse for wear. We put Sam in a cab to the Hospital and laughed about ‘Watch this’ the rest of the night.
So , if you do dumbsh*t… Just know, I will be the first to laugh…

Speak for yourself… J)


That’s a good one. :bigsmile:

Just because everyone gets a case of the dumbspits once in a while doesn’t mean you get to abuse the privilege.

I shouldn’t talk I did something similar with a chopper I made. I didn’t do a very good job welding the forks on and found that out about the third time over the ramp I made. Not much fun watching your front tire fall off in mid flight. Even less fun when your new girlfriend (not a blond) thinks it’s freaking hilarious. Alcohol funny green stuff and ramps not such a good combination.

I know nothing. I see nothing. I hear nothing and I have never ever done anything silly. Never. I cannot even start to relate to your story at all.
I do like the sound off a presumably drunk trainee nurse though.

one time i spent hours building a ramp out of a 4-5' snow bank. pack it down, water it... let freeze. the next day i got on my bmx and started at the top of a rather large hill. probably doing a good 20-25mph hit the ramp with all i had. my front tire just cut into the ramp. my bike stopped. i did not. i bashed both knees off the handlebars, and i went another 15-20' and landed in about 2' of fresh snow. as i laid there in the fetal position moaning, my friends stood around and laughed.

fun times. thats just one of the many.

Oh man, sorry to hear that. Is the bike OK?

on that one, yes... there were other occasions that it was not. i was dared to jump off the edge of a foundation once. i dunno, 8' high or so. bent my rear rim.

another one... there was this hill on the side of a store in my hometown. i think they must have had to fill it in to keep the whole store level, it was a giant L shaped store. it was kind of a table top type ramp. the side of it was tar, the top was cement, and three sides of it was down sloped. id say it was a good 5-6' tall. i had 5 kids standing up in a line and i tried jumping them... i had done 4 before successfully. got my speed and hit the ramp at an angle so i would jump off the corner so i was jumping from the highest point of the ramp over ground level... realized i was not going to clear all the kids so i pushed off my bike in mid air... that was another pretty painful one...

that one mangled my seat and ripped it right off the seat post...

edit: you can kind of see the jump if you search google maps and use sat pics

9 Legion Memorial Dr
South China, ME 04358

thats the address... its now a christian school... smoked sooo much herbage and drank too much there as a teen... that was my stompin grounds down on that corner

Ouch, man that’s brutal. I’ve had some great and not-so-great experiences with snow ramps. A couple weeks after the ’98 Ice Storm my friends and I built up a ramp at the bottom of a huge golf course hill. There was a few inches of snow fall that had covered up the thick layer of ice. I was first at bat and reached the ramp going as fast as Clark Griswold. The ramp part worked beautifully and I caught an obscene amount of air. The plummeting feeling after reaching the zenith terminated with a near-instant stop…for the saucer. I flew another 5-10 feet headlong into the hidden ice sheet and broke through it with my face. At least I got ice on it quickly :sushi:

Okay, first I’ll admit I used to watch Jackass (maybe I had a crush on someone…) But, I have this thing in me when I see people get hurt I can’t help feel their pain and want to make it better. It’s annoying but probably good to have. I can’t laugh because I’m just, “OMG!!! Are you okay??!” and the last thing you want to hear is any berating for stupidity.

of course we all know that the outcome would have been far far better if she had simply used a good aged single malt instead but only after ensuring that Sam had downed half of it first as a GA!

When a buddy does something stupid & messing himself up… You have to make fun of him, it’s a rule.