Two sausages were frying in a frying pan. One says to the other, "Damn, it's hot in here"
The other said, "Oh my God! A talking sausage!"
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A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I
will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
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Two birds are sitting on a perch. One turns to the other and asks "do you smell fish?"
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A mother is driving her 7 year-old daughter to her
friend's house for a play date when the little girl
asks "Mommy," how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,"
the mother replies sweetly. "It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, a bit less sweetly.
"Those are personal questions and are really none of
your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and
Daddy get a divorce?"
"That's enough questions, young lady, honestly!" mom
says as her daughter is getting out of the car.
The exasperated mother drives away as the two friends
begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little g
irl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at
her drivers license. It's like a report card, it has
everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother,
"I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find
that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in
heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why
you and daddy got a divorce."
Now mom's getting mad. She says, "Oh really? And just
why is that, young lady?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
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