I’m in like Flint.
Thank you for your generosity and as for the joke, see my sig below 
What is the weiner? Not what I’m thinking I hope. Shock horror.
Are you calling us weiners? If so how did you know what some call me. I can honestly say I’m only a small one.
One day last year during duck shooting season there was an Aussie and a Yank trying there luck. After awhile a poor hapless duck flew over and a volley of shots fired. The duck came plummeting to earth with the Aussie and Yank arguing over who shot it. Ok, said the Aussie. We’ll settle this in the great Aussie tradition. Whats that asks the Yank. We kick each other in the groin and whoever gets up quickest keeps the duck. I go first. Your on says the Yank. The Aussie winds up and lets go with a kick that would of kicked a goal from 80 meters out. The natural thing happens and after 35 minutes the Yank staggers to his feet with stars in his eyes and responds with great pain. Right its now my go. With a rye smile the Aussie says, keep the duck and wonders of.
Thanks for the giveaway!
I am in ,thanks.
I will be in on this one! Thanks and congrats on 3K
Congrats!
Count me in…
I’m in! Thanks for the giveaway and congratz on your 3K mark!
Thanks!. I’m in.
Im in
thanks
Would you look at that, just look at that …
Edit for offendingothers…i will add joke later.
A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.
A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful,” it was “cute.” She asked, “What happened to ‘beautiful’?” His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
I can smell a wiener winner a mile away!
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I’m in . Thanks
A senior citizen is driving from Leeds to London, when his wife calls his cell phone. “I just heard on the radio that there’s a car going the wrong way on M1 motorway. Please be very careful!”. “Well, I already knew it. But it’s not just one car,” says the old man, “It’s hundreds of them!”
I’m in, thanks!
Dumb joke #1387
Funny picture #432-B
im in
Thanks RBD! I’m in.
Here’s a clip from an old stand up routine I watched. Jump to 1:10 for the song. I just remembered the line about axes and torches…
http://www.comedycentral.com/video-clips/gdy1yj/comedy-central-presents-chimp-and-the-woman
EDIT: embedding autoplayed, so now just the link.
Before the thread goes completely bad, some of you might need to remember the rules and remove some of the photos you have placed here.
Please and Thanks
Now here's my entry:
Ghost Killer
Back when I used to have a few flashlights, I went out on a night reconnaissance mission. It was up around Big Sandy somewhere and the Old Sabine WMA. Old Earl Pinkins called me and tole' me he had found a swamp ghost wanderin around out that way and did I wanna come see it? Well, I'm not much on ghost huntin, but as heavy as Old Earl, drinks, I kinda figure it's not a ghost, but probably fog or swamp gas and any time I can go an get him all worked up and expose his foolishness, well, I just gotta go, don't cha know...
I drove over the next evenin and took along one of my brightest lights, the kind that scares people just thinkin about it. If I remember right it was about 10,000 lumens or so and I figured that ought to send the wee ghosties fleein the area. By the time I got to Earl's house it was dark and we were gonna go out about dark thirty, so I didn't have long to wait and that's always a good thing with Earl, cause he's liable to ply you with his moonshine and me being a tea totaler, it kinda offends him. I figured getting out of the vehicle would eat about 30 minutes anyhow, cause of Earl's 13 dogs that always attack anything comin in the drive. It's a sight watchin him tryin to get those derned animals to back off the truck enough to let someone get out. They ain't really agressive to peoples, but they tends to chew on rubber tires and such. It's a good way to have a reason to replace those baldinos, cause when they get thru, yer gonna need a new set of tires.
Anyhow, it took just about 30 minutes to get 'em all settled down and get Earl and I headed out thru the woods to this here ghostly apparition site. Now Earl ain't too keen on modern stuff and he carries an old Rayovac flashlight. Yep, an old incan with alkaleakes in it and it's just about worthless, but I let him lead the way and let him stumble and bump into all the bad stuff, all the while using my little EDC to see where I'm a goin and every time he turns I shut it off real quick like and he's about three sheets to the wind anyhow, so he don't notice. It's not very nice of me, but it is a lot of fun. Earl's got quite a night time walkin vocabulary, if ya know what I mean.
About 3 miles in we come to this really thick overgrown section and I start hearin some strange sounds. I mean hair on the back of yer neck sounds. Now I've been in them woods more times that I care to remember, but these noises are more like someone dyin a slow death. Old Earl turns and you can see his eyes are getting bigger and he's a gettin real nervous. "I tttt told ya dinn't I", he says. Yepper it's just over there near that little clearing. Well, I had to agree it was kinda spooky, so we crawled up real slow like and sure enuff on the other side of the clearing there's somethin movin, somethin ghostly. Earl, he's a shakin and his teeth are chatterin, but I'm too busy tryin to figure out what the heck it really could be. I mean I don't go for the ghost thing, so it's gotta be somethin.
Well, amongst all the ghostly moans and screams, I hears me a cough. Kinda like a human cough and that about tells me it ain't no ghost, so I pull out that old monster light I was a carryin and turn it on the ghost. Well, ya gotta kinda be there, but I ain't never seen a ghost that was runin around screamin "my eyes, my eyes", like this one did. Then I got up and ran over towards it and turned on the strobe and that ol ghost tried to run, but it ran right into an old cottonwood tree and fell flat on it's arse. I ran over and pulled the cover offen it and danged if it weren't young Billy Joe hays. He was cowered down and holding his hands over his eyes and screamin fer me to put away the light. I turned it down to low, (mainly because it was gettin too hot to hold) and asked him what in the sam hill he was a doin?
It turns out that he was trying to keep people from gettin to his still that he had just set up an he was afaid old Earl was smellin the brew and was tryin to find it by night, so he worked up this dern fool ghost of the swamp thing, to keep people away. Old Earl finally came over after he saw me "kill the ghost" with that "light from heaven" and as drunk as he was, he immediately told young Billy to give up the thought of makin moonshine next to a ghost haunting ground and come over to the house, so he could be taught how to make a right proper still with a better hide. Well, Earl outta know since he's been buldin an raidin stills fer a long, long time and I think they are gonna get partned up after this little episode.
So, the swamp ghost of Old Sabine was finally exposed and I got to spend an entertaining night of wandering the woods with an old drunk and a goofy kid who's still not seein clear after takin an extended dose of the mega light.
Not responsible for misspelled werds.....
I'm in - I like this picture:
