The Daily Joke Thread ⚠️ (keep it clean please) ⚠️

Here is a comedic one for Zinc

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If the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything

Stamps = Lickie Stickie
Defibrillators = Hearty Starty
Bumble bees = Fuzzy Buzzy
Pregnancy test = Maybe Baby
Bra =Breastie Nestie
Fork= Stabby Grabby
Socks = Feetie Heatie
Hippo = Floatie Bloatie
Nightmare = Screamy Dreamy

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If a new Nightmare on Elm Street movie is made, they should name it Screamy Dreamy. :grin:

…or Zinc Oxide and You! from Kentucky Fried Movie…

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Yeah, when gravity strikes (again).

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Lasering Incidents

I still don’t know how the police found my compound where I ran an illegal searchlight depot/covert blimp airfield/fireworks testing range.

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Not sure I get it. Had to look it up, apparently Methuselah is dating a 24yo chickie named Jordan Something. If a junior, she’ll be graduating at 25-26?

I don’t follow the basketball, so ain’t sure what I’m missing.

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Me neither.
And the explanation post isn’t funny either, as far as I can tell. :upside_down_face:
No offense intended.
Maybe my sense of humor is just different. :grin:

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The Wizard of Oz, synopsis.

Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.

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For your meme library :kissing_heart:

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A different take…

I thought this one was kinda funny… :grin:

Origami Black Hole

You may notice the first half of these instructions are similar to the instructions for a working nuclear fusion device. After the first few dozen steps, be sure to press down firmly and fold quickly to overcome fusion pressure.

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A man walks into a big box store.
He goes over to the flashlight section.
Most of the flashlights are Zumiez or what they call “focusable”.
He zoomed in on the biggest baddest one they had.

Get it?

He got it.

He also got a package of eight alkaline batteries because it was “dual fuel”.

Oh wait, this is the joke thread.
He is sorry.

Edit*
Maybe the joke works better if it’s a woman.
No it’s just sad all around.

A man walks into an optical shop and says:

  • Goodmorning, i 'd like a pair of glasses.
  • For the sun?
  • No, for me!

the National Scheduling Conflict Championships have been canceled.

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Some Mitch Hedburg humor.

  1. I don’t have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

  2. I used to be a hot tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that… day.

  3. I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was a paperboy. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses… or two dumpsters.

  4. I find that a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread.

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I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset about it.
Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
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I was kind of depressed since I hadn’t had a date in over a year so , I asked my phone “[Siri], why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
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Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
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Even people who you don’t happen to care for have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
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Old one from 1965:

Ken Thompson stopped in at Dick McDaniels’ Pizza Palace the other night and ordered a pizza. When it was ready, Dick asked Ken if he wanted it cut in six or eight pieces.

Ken thought a while, and then said, “Better make it six pieces. I could never eat eight.”

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