Nice! 
what do you call an American Bee?
a USB.
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I lost 20% of my couch today.
Ouch.
I feel like I need to explain this joke.
Roberts and Montoya are fictional characters (not politicians) from the 1987 movie The Princess Bride.
I highly recommend this movie, but the book is even better.
I should add, though, that the author of the book, William Goldman, is a giant troll.
He’s a friendly troll, not a malevolent one, but he trolls pretty hard in the 1973 novel The Princess Bride. 
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I had to look that one up…
And I saw the movie Idiocracy (once). 
Greg Stillson for President!
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Vote early and vote often.
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Carlin
---------
Zappa
This one is less humorous, and more cool to look at…
Solar Protons
If any of you want to meet some cool local oxygen atoms, I can introduce you!
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Yeah, I miss The Old Days, when joax were supposed to be funny…
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Yep, I usually post jokes that I think are funny, but I made an exception this time. 
The book is a classic .
The movie if you read the book first is a massive let down . Rob Reiner should have been beaten unmercifully for even thinking about creating such a worthless piece of cinematic garbage. Buttercup was seven hundred thousand times more beautiful than any actress in Hollywood . By the end of each day her beauty just compounded upon itself . The scale at which beauty pageants judges used to admire woman’s beauty has to be thrown out . They considered not even having pagents any more or placing an astronomical amount of scoring on the talent portion to create a level playing field .
Inconceivable…
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a guy calls a swimming pool company and says, “I got a leak in my pool”.
the man that answered the phone says, “Well, go ahead.”
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Wells
You do have to be careful, though–sometimes, instead of water, you hit this free fuel that you can sell for a lot of money instead.
Gold?
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Nope, oil. 
However gold is so important that many say its the lifeblood of the economy. Which is also why many want to return to the gold standard 
I had watched a documentary about how important gold is to the modern economy, even pointing out cell phones would not exist without it.
I’d link it here if i had bookmarked it.