I LOL when I read this sales rant from DX

The light in question is this - H3 focus+dimmable thing

Funny highlights :-)

About use of product:

"Holding the flashlight in one hand leaves you with just one hand to set up your tent."

Truer words were rarely seen in a DX description.

About travel mates:

"Travel mates are usually unreliable and too excited to hold the flashlight still, often looking around and being a nuisance."

Morale: Chose your friends wisely ;-)

About the product:

"This geeky flashlight is mounted to a headband allowing you to have a free arm to enjoy your beer while you set up your tent"

So it is mainly intended for beer swilling geeks?

And notice how you would be back to just having one arm to set up the tent again. Of course it might be more fun now, with the beer and all.

"- Great for ...latent sea etc.

What is a latent sea? Some sea you dont usually see or what?

That review just saved my morning! I'm still chuckling here.

But seriously shouldn't they just spend a little time reviewing their own descriptions?


at least the package includes a user manual. :bigsmile:

"1 x Chinese use manual"

I think I can imagine the conversation behind this description...

- Who buys flashlights?

- Men

- What other things do men like?

- Beer!

- So, let's link their beer enjoyment with our products!

- OK, how's this: "Close your eyes... imagine, it is dark and you are at the beach... weather is hot and all you need now is a beer... now, open your eyes... what do you see? nothing? Of course! You don't have "H3 Focus-Adjustable and Dimming Cree Q5 White LED Headlamp Set (3xAAA) (tm)"! How do you expect to find your beer dude?

- Oh, not bad, work it out a little, I have a good feeling about this! We are going to sell millions of these!

- I also have an idea about our next campaign boss... B00bs! Men also like b00bs! And when it comes to b00bs, it is always better to have both hands available! Oh, man, we are going to be soooo rich!!!

I know it sounds funny but the only once I went to a tent camping and everybody opened their beers and wines just a second after they set up their tents. I were shocked that I were a complete ignorant in this culture :)

- I also have an idea about our next campaign boss... B00bs! Men also like b00bs! And when it comes to b00bs, it is always better to have both hands available! Oh, man, we are going to be soooo rich!!!

Good one!

That description needs to be used to market headlamps everywhere. Truer words were never spoken! This would be perfect for Cabella's or Gander Mountain.

ROFLMAO :bigsmile:

Actually I think they are trying hard to come up with descriptions. Of course they are failing, but they are trying. I don't know why they just don't let me write their copy for them. I would do it cheap! Hell just send me some flashlights (one of each) and I will write all your english copy for you. The sales will go sky high!

I will even make sales videos:

First, every light is shown with one of the DX girls holding it in a Very suggestive manner, while she swings off a stripper pole, using the light to highlight guys drooling around the stage.

Then each light is shown in a real backwoods setting, with a bear or moose being blinded by the light, while several toothless 400# guys in shorts, T shirts, caps and swamp boots sit around a campfire belching and breaking wind.

I will sell millions for them.

I always liked the DX site because they didn’t engage in the DD nonsense verbiage.
Nothing makes you look more stupid than to try to wax poetic in a language that you barely understand.
At least every description doesn’t come with the DD warning of “don’t point flashlights in your eyes…especially the kid”.

This is good stuff! For some reason when the Chinese mess up the language it always ends up sounding hilarious.

I never tire of reading this! I read this when it was first posted and I just read it again. I was cracking up so bad I couldn't hold it in! And I'm at work, so others are probably wondering what the heck is going on! Love it!



oops. maybe i misunderstood this thread's topic. anyway i LOL'ed upon this DX offer today:

The P**ing Woman

very confusing and disturbing!!

Can we organize a group buy of that too?

I wanted to get that poking man/woman for a few years now but am afraid I’d be written up by HR faster than I could say “But it’s hilarious!”.

Or even the tentacled boobie pen...

This quote form their forum is great!

"All of my life, when purchasing office supplies, the number of breasts on the tip of my pens had always been an underlying factor in the back of my mind. Finally, something has fulfilled this for me. thank you DX.

being a designer for such silly toy-like stuff must be the dream job of the designer.

a stick with four t*ts??

i think i am getting slowly aroused now..

Would anyone care for a crap cigar lighter?

It's a wonderful gift for smoking friends or you also can take it as a valueable collection. It may adept your noble flavour and taste. All you need to do is press down on the button to the top and release its flame ready to serve your needs.

Ha ha, I remember seeing something like this in one of the light descriptions on one of the Chinese websites. I thought WTH.

LOL :bigsmile: