The Daily Joke Thread

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tempo
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one big difference between men and women is that
if a woman says “Smell this!”
it usually smells nice

Henk4U2
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Two old men are sitting on a bench in the park.

A: My youngest grand daughter told me she has a new job.
B: Nice, where is it?
A: In a message parlor.
B: And does it make good money?
A: Depends on how the message is delevered, by hand or by mouth.
B: Ah, a Sing-A-Gram.

You are a flashaholic if you are forced to come out of the closet, to make room for more flashlights.

raccoon city
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I saw this on gamefaqs.gamespot.com today...

I thought it was pretty ingenious.

poll

grin
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Went to the local zoo today, they only had 1 dog.
It was a Shih Tzu

firedome
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Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light --- Plato

Lightbringer
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Old man goes to his doctor…

“Doc, I got a problem. Every morning I have a bowel movement at 6:30, just like clockwork.”

Doc asks, “Hm? Why’s that a problem?”.

Old guy replies, “I don’t get out of bed ‘til 8.”.

09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0

Rexlion
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Lightbringer wrote:
Old man goes to his doctor…

“Doc, I got a problem. Every morning I have a bowel movement at 6:30, just like clockwork.”

Doc asks, “Hm? Why’s that a problem?”.

Old guy replies, “I don’t get out of bed ‘til 8.”.


That one belongs in the same place as the shih tzu…. Wink
DavidEF
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raccoon city wrote:

I saw this on gamefaqs.gamespot.com today...

I thought it was pretty ingenious.

poll

 

You should make this a poll here at BLF, so we can see which poll answer is most popular among flashaholics. tongue-out

The Cycle of Goodness: “No one prospers without rendering benefit to others”
- The YKK Philosophy

raccoon city
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Nice To E-Meet You

I'm inside your head and I hate it. Please let me out.
grin
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Went for a drive today and all these people were standing around in this paddock. On the way home they were still there, I thought to myself that must be a vacant lot.

raccoon city
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friday_evil 

DavidEF
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Not only Friday the 13th, but also a Full Moon today! Evil

The Cycle of Goodness: “No one prospers without rendering benefit to others”
- The YKK Philosophy

raccoon city
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pizza 

rngwn
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https://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/HowTo:Cut_Your_Own_Head_Off_With_a_Chainsaw

Abridged version:

Quote:

Cut your own head off with a chainsaw can be quite dangerous unless done properly. I will first demonstrate the unsafe method, and then how to do it safely.

Unsafe Method:

Start a chainsaw, and apply it to your neck like thi-

splat

dead

 

Searching for High CRI leds since 2010...

 

Has finally gotten to the bottom after 10 years of delving deep into that rabbit hole of them high CRI lights...

 

High CRI, high quality lights doesn't need to be expensive, or is it?

 

wle
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have you heard the one about the skunk?
never mind, it stinks

"You never have the wind with you - it's either against you, or you're having a good day."
    Daniel Behrman, "The Man Who Loved Bicycles".
It never gets easy, you just go faster.   
-Greg Lemond.
       ,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¸

DavidEF
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rngwn wrote:
https://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/HowTo:Cut_Your_Own_Head_Off_With_a_Chainsaw

Abridged version:

Quote:

Cut your own head off with a chainsaw can be quite dangerous unless done properly. I will first demonstrate the unsafe method, and then how to do it safely.

Unsafe Method:

Start a chainsaw, and apply it to your neck like thi-

splat

dead


YIKES! Shocked

The Cycle of Goodness: “No one prospers without rendering benefit to others”
- The YKK Philosophy

raccoon city
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Math Work

Math Work
I could type this into a solver, which MIGHT help, but would also mean I have to get a lot of parentheses right....
raccoon city
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blair_witch 

Cloud
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C’mmon guys. What kind of jokes are these??try to ever beat this one…

- what do you get if you drop a piano into a mine shaft?
- A Flat Minor

Lightbringer
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Yeah, I don’t get a lot of this newfangled innernet humor.

 

Okay, here’s something more my speed…

Ah, and can’t forget this one…

It’s fun watching the others trying to stifle their own laffs.

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MyRants
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I hope this isn't a repost.

"This too shall pass." -- Ancient Persian saying

Rdubya18
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….except for his flashlight collection !

raccoon city
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Chemistry Nobel

Chemistry Nobel
Most chemists thought the lanthanides and actinides could be inserted in the sixth and seventh rows, but no, they're just floating down at the bottom with lots more undiscovered elements all around them.
raccoon city
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Faculty:Student Ratio

Faculty:Student Ratio
They managed to briefly hit the top of the rankings when they rejected everyone except one applicant, published 5 billion research papers that just said "Hi," and hired one of their graduates for $50 trillion/year (then fired them after 10 microseconds.)
Boaz
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.

       καὶ τὸ φῶς ἐν τῇ σκοτίᾳ φαίνει καὶ ἡ σκοτία αὐτὸ οὐ κατέλαβεν

                            

       Dc-fix diffuser film  >…  http://budgetlightforum.com/node/42208

raccoon city
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Visit From the Man in Red

man_in_red

raccoon city
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Rey and Kylo

Rey and Kylo
"We're like 10+ movies in and the focus has been almost entirely on the WARS half."
Foghorne
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raccoon city
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Is it Christmas?

Is it Christmas?
We've tested it on 30 different days and it hasn't gotten one wrong yet.
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